When you see a new mum come into your playgroup, and she stands away from everyone because she’s new. Talk to her. Talk to her the next three times you see her, because for her, she’s come into a new environment where everyone has their own click, and she’s overwhelmed… but she’s come there to make friends because she wants to connect with other mums. She spent the morning rushing to get there, trying to look like she’s got it together and that she’s not petrified. Talk to her. Sure, she might not live in your area, go to your social events, be the same nationality whatever, but that’s the beauty of getting to know someone new.
If that mother at mothers group keeps cancelling on you but always reschedules, keep trying, keep trying at least three more times and tell her it’ll be okay to catch up. She might be riddled with anxiety and not coping, your persistence could save her sanity and make her feel loved.
If a mum smiles at you at the park, smile back. Talk to her, make a friend, she doesn’t have to baptise your child but now you both have someone to go to the park with. You both don’t have to feel alone on days its relentless. You both can help each other watch your kids together and it’ll feel so much easier.
If your mum friend hasn’t been herself lately, and doesn’t want to do anything, go to her house, bring her some coffee and wine and chocolate, xanax, whatever, and tell her she’s got this, tell her she’s not alone. That not matter what motherhood throws at her, that you’ll do it together. Go do her dishes and insist, INSIST she eats pizza with you while the kids destroy the house and give her a big hug.
All these mums might have woken up today saying I can’t do this, I have no one and I’m a failure, they might have been up all night with a restless baby, a teething toddler or whatever. They might think they are the worst mum in the world, but on a day where someone has given them some warmth, someone has given them a little encouragement and a little love, it’ll make them feel like a million bucks.
I’ve been all of these mums in all of these occasions and some days I needed to be rescued, some days I pushed back hard, some days I hated that I felt I was the only one who wasn’t coping and all I needed was someone to reach out, and when they did, I felt like a million bucks.
Motherhood is hard, its beautiful and rewarding, its many things, but it’s hard and heartbreaking sometimes. It’s not always a network of people helping us out, some days we are all have. Sometimes all the days we are all we have, no village, no family, no one. So make a friend, keep that play date, make those plans and keep them, introduce new mums to your friends too.
We don’t have to compete we just have to love and tell that mother who deserves to hear it, that she’s not invisible, that’s she’s not alone, and that she is doing a wonderful job and we have her back!