Before Daddy Left For Work

Before Daddy left for work this morning, Daddy did not have to give Mummy a list of things the children needed. He did not have to ask Mummy to watch the children for a few hours. He didn’t have to give Mummy a single prompt on how to look after her own children, because Mummy knew.

1. At 3:25pm Daddy arrived home from work. He had ever so kindly (although begrudgingly) helped Mummy out by fetching their eldest child from school on his way home.
2. As Daddy and the eldest child walked through the door, Mummy whom was stood at the sink washing the dishes greeted them with a lovely and jolly ‘hello! Are you both ok?’
3. Mummy had lovingly prepared and cooked the family dinner. Because Mummy knew that everyone needed feeding. Mummy did not need asking if she was planning on feeding the children, Mummy just knew.
4. During the day whilst Daddy had been busy being very important at work Mummy had spent what felt like twenty-thousand hours cleaning, washing clothes, hoovering the carpets and tidying away toys. Then redoing it every time her feral youngest child decided to fuck it all right up again.
5. When Daddy arrived home he did not need to ask Mummy if they had been victims of a reverse burglary.
6. When Daddy arrived home from work Mummy was not sprawled out on the carpet watching Ben and holly’s little kingdom whilst chaos erupted around her.
7. At 5pm when Mummy had to pop out to work for a couple of hours, Mummy asked Daddy if he would mind watching the children for a couple of hours. Mummy asked Daddy if he could possibly feed them some supper before bed, maybe even bath them if he could manage it by himself.
8. When Mummy walked in from work at 7pm…a mere 2 hours later, the house looked as if someone had indeed reverse burgled the house. It looked as if a massive sodding Smyth’s toys lorry had arrived, the driver had tipped the whole contents of the bastarding lorry onto the living room floor and then sprinkled a box of coco pops on top of the massive pile of plastic for an extra special treat.
9. When Mummy walked in from work at 7pm…a mere two hours after she had left, she witnessed Daddy, sprawled out on the floor amongst the massive pile of plastic and coco pops, calmly viewing Ben and Holly’s little kingdom whilst the smallest child sat emptying every pan out of the cupboard in the kitchen.
10. When Mummy nipped upstairs for a quick wee, she quickly realised Daddy the amazing had actually managed to bath of the children. Mummy felt ever-so-grateful as she followed a trail of 56 wet towels lay on the floor leading towards a bath full of freezing cold water and 234 toys floating within it that needed to be fished out. She felt even more grateful once she realised Daddy had also learnt to multitask! Shaving at the same time as bathing the kids was a real talent. Mummy was so pleased she had scrubbed the sink earlier in the day for it now to be infested with facial hair.
11. When Mummy asked Daddy if the children had eaten their supper, Daddy informed Mummy that neither of the children fancied milk with their coco pops, that they requested them dry. Hence why the living room now had a twatting dusting of them. Daddy informed Mummy he had already picked a few up.
12. When Mummy asked Daddy why the eldest child was wearing pyjamas that were approximately 3 sizes too small, Daddy informed Mummy that he was not sure where all of her pyjamas were kept. Daddy snapped at Mummy and told her that nothing was ever good enough for her.
13. When Mummy noticed the sink was yet again full of pots, even though the children had only been fed dry cereals straight from the box, Mummy thought she might actually just spontaneously combust.
14. When Mummy called Daddy a useless scruffy Cockwomble as she began to rage clean for the eighty-eighth time that day, Daddy looked surprised. After all…Daddy had done everything Mummy had asked him to.

“What is wrong with you? Why are you in a bad mood?” Asked the oblivious Cockwomble.

“It’s a twatting mystery when I should be feeling so grateful.” Replied Mummy.

Then Mummy drank wine.
Mummy drank Lots and lots of lovely wine as she wondered what fresh hell would await after her considerably longer than 2 hour shift the next day.
The end.
🤣🤣

Credit https://www.facebook.com/laughwithmummy/