Can I get a private post please? So a little back story… my older sister has …
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Can I get a private post please? So a little back story… my older sister has had a drug dependency for most of her life. Got pregnant, and kept the baby. Was never able to actually stay clean for him so I stepped up as much as I could for the baby. I was only 15 at the time… From the time he was a few months old I was always there for him, he got taken into care for a while, but through social services he was able to come back into our family, but we have always had a problem with his drug addicted parents. Fast forward to now. I have temporary kinship of my nephew who is now 10 years old. At first I cut all contact with his mother because she was always high and her actions would upset him ( when she last had in her care, in march) he would hold in his poop for so long that when he finally let it out he wouldn’t use the toilet and would smear it all over the place. When he came into my care it only took a week for him to get back on track and was visibly not as worried anymore… She was a Facebook mom, only spending time with him to put up a front for Facebook.. so for the last few months I have let her back into his life as long as she was sober… she started out okay, but noticeably was still using. This has gotten to the point where he knows she’s not healthy, and he is starting to lash out. He’s starting fights at home with his cousins, fighting at school. He started having a temper with myself and yelling at me. He hides in his room lots of the time and cries. He won’t talk to anyone like he used to. When his mother wasn’t in the picture for the few months he was an angel, he would help out around the house. He was always smiling. He was just the most chipper little boy ever. Such a pleasure to be around. But since she’s been back his whole demenor has changed. I feel so guilty for having bring her back but she made me feel like I was keeping her away from him. So I need advice on what I should do.
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It sounds like this poor little boy may need some extra support. It may help for him to have someone completely impartial to speak to. Also doesn’t sound like the mother is a good influence and maybe it’s just too toxic for him. Do what’s best for him not for her! X
Has he had any support to deal with his feelings? Surestart children’s centres can help him, if you are in the UK? They now do up to age 19, so they can support him?
Also you could phone social services for advice? Explain that you want to safeguard him, that he changes from being with her and that you felt pressured by her to let her see him, even though it is detrimental to him x
Im not sure why you would need advice when you’ve already stated he is happy and healthy when she is not around. When she is around he is not happy and healthy! Its a no brainer. She does not deserve to have his innocence in her hands! She does not deserve to have a role in his life&more importantly your nephew does not deserve to have such a toxic, selfish arsehole in his life, he doesn’t deserve to have his mental state jeopardised because his mother is a junkie!! Cut contact all together! She wants to see her son, do it through court, let a judge make her jump through hoops to have access & then see how interested she is when shes given the ultimatum, her son or drugs.
Your job is to protect and care for your nephew. He needs to be number 1 no matter what! You have said yourself the effect on him. You must safeguard him. Please do what’s best for him and remove her from his life. No matter how guilty she makes you feel that’s what addicts do. She’s made her bed. I hope you can be strong enough to better this wee boys life he needs you xx
Cut ties till she is clean if needs be go through courts. It’s obvious her being in his life while shes using is detrimental to his health. His health and well being needs to come first.
Personally I would keep them away until he’s old enough to decide but just my opinion
Hope ur ok xx
My first instincts would be to keep him away, it’s obviously having an affect on his mental health. Possibly attachment issues xxx
Cut ties. Xx