Can I have a private post please. Please stay with me on this one. This is very…

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Can I have a private post please.
Please stay with me on this one. This is very sensitive post. Amoungst my children I have a 4 year old boy. My son is going through an awful stage; rude, very physical with both play and also pushing etc his siblings, screaming, ignoring adults, lying etc. I know children go through all these stages but from experience I feel he is one step further than “just a four year old”.
I never have and never will slap my children. I find it an uncontrolled, unessasary and a way to destroy a relationship between a parent and child. My OH (his father) has begun to slap him. The old fashioned slap on the bum type. No marks left yet makes a noise. I am heart broken and I know it upsets my son. As he has told me so. It makes my heart break.
Not sure exactly what I want from this post apart from how would you deal with it? I really don’t want replies name calling of him or the usual “leave him” responce as that isn’t going to help as on the whole he is an amazing father. Circumstances at the moment are resulting in both of us having a hard time so far this year which obviously put a strain us. This does not excuse him but does offer a little background. I am going to ask school to refer me to the ed psych re all his negative behaviour which includes always soiling himself even 14 months after being dry urine wise. But I’m struggling with OH just as much as my son as he doesn’t see a problem with it and causes arguments. Thanks in advance


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9 COMMENTS

  1. Can you reply to the above post please. We have tried all these but he just has screaming and crying fits. I think he is exerting his authority as the only boy. I feel as if I’m spending more of my time dealing with his behaviour rather than spending time with a wonderful, intellengent, beautiful, kind hearted child who has the communication of a child twice his age. As for my OH he just doesn’t understand and accuses me of calling him an abuser. He isn’t an abuser just some one who hasn’t got much patience at the moment. I’m scared this will break us which I don’t want nor will help anything as I will loose my house, car and job.

  2. Can you reply to ryan on the above post please.
    I do not agree in any form of physical punishment as I have said. I don’t buy “it never did me any harm” as my mother never caught polio so not having injections didn’t do any harm is just as stupid an argument

  3. I’m sure he speaks to your son before hitting him right? If he hits the child without explaining why he’s punishing him then there is a problem. But if he has repeatedly warned the child and he’s disobedient he deserves to be punish. I believe he’ll hit the child depending on the situation.
    If he ask him not to throw his toys and he continues then I’ll take the toy away..
    If he spits on the floor /people then he’ll get a slap.
    Different form of punishment for the situation.
    I also believe your son is old enough to listen if he can explain his feelings to you about his fathers action.

  4. If he can understand his own feelings, knowing that it makes him sad and upset when his dad smacks him, explain to him thats the same sadness and upset feeling you get when he misbehaves..

  5. How confused must he be with two people parenting so differently no wonder hes acting up you need to takk to your husband smacking comes from not knowing what else to do and frustration it doesnt actually work. Ive five children and definitely agree you need to discuss what to do id say at four a warning then naughty step corner or spot for four minutes keep putting back he will resist this but be consistent it does work in the end he sees your separate be a team…

  6. Maybe just sit down and speak with your partner about different punishments as that obviously isnt helping the situation. Have you tried taking favourite toys away? Ignoring this behaviour? Maybe sit him on a chair away from you all for a few minutes at a time for your son to think about his behaviour. Hopefully its just a phase xx

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