Can you post privately please. I feel like I’m losing the plot. Been on and of…

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Can you post privately please.

I feel like I’m losing the plot. Been on and off with my current partner for nearly 4 years. We were both with other people and saw each other in the breaks between our exes. And sometimes behind his exes back (after he told me they had split but was lying) we finally made it official last year and he proposed. I live with him. But I can’t help but think that he’s bad for me. I suffer with really bad anxiety and depression anyway and he turns round and says nasty things to me. So obviously I get upset and then he gets angry and tells me he didn’t say it even though I’ve blatantly heard it. He makes me question why I’m upset and makes me feel like I’ve made it up and I always apologise.he does what he wants. He goes out whenever he wants and comes back hours and hours later with no explanation and I’m not allowed to say anything else he kicks off with me. I’m not allowed out though. I’m not allowed to drink or see friends because I took an overdose after a miscarriage a few months back 😩 am I going crazy or is he being seriously controlling and nasty 😭
Sorry for the long post
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