Who Would Want To Be With A Single mum

 

Summer 2009, I was a 21 year old single mum with a 3 year old son who had severe autism. I had been single since my son was 3 months old- when me and his father broke up, he never really bothered again after that. I was fed up of feeling lonely and wanted to meet someone special so I decided to sign up to a dating website.

After a few days I got chatting to this lad, he seemed lovely. We spoke for a few weeks before deciding to meet. On our first date I met him at the cinema, he was so lovely. After the date we decided to meet up again and I couldn’t wait to tell my friends about it. I was so happy he seemed such a lovely man and so good looking.

Over the next month or so we went on a number of dates and decided we both liked each other and started a relationship. Every thing was good for a month, he met my family and my son. Everyone loved him, he treated me so well.

One night he called me and said if I still wanted to stay at his one night a week then I would have to start helping him pay his rent. I was so sad when he said this, I knew it wasn’t right but I did it anyway.

Not long after that I was at his when we got into an argument because he wanted to go out to a club and I didn’t. Next thing I know he got the newspaper, rolled it up and hit me across the face. Broke my glasses and I had a bruise on my cheek. I cried. He said he was sorry and foolishly I forgave him.

Everything was ok again for a few weeks before he hit me again. Over something minor, this time I ended up with a black eye . Again, I forgave him, covered my face with make up so no one could see. Things just carried on like this for a good year.
We were good then he’d hit me again and again he’d apologise I’d forgive him.

I never told anyone what he was doing to me, my family all loved him – thought he was perfect. I knew deep down what he was doing wasn’t right but I loved him and always thought ‘who would want to be with a single mum who had a disabled son’?

We had been together 18 months or so, when he was over at mine with me and my son. We got into an argument over messages on his phone, he was always cheating and I always knew it deep down but just tried to ignore it. I was sat on the sofa, my son playing on the floor. He launched over at me in front of my son and hit me repeatedly in my face and back. I was mortified! More at that fact my son had just seen what was happening rather than anything else. Again,  I forgave him. I stayed with him paying his rent amongst other things, forgiving him for being violent to me and cheating on me.

After we had been together 3 years, I was at his one night. We were in his room he said he was going to the kitchen to get some food. I thought he had left the room and saw his phone on the side. I decided to take a look but he hadn’t left. He was still stood by the door- watching me. I saw him and tried to joke about it. Laugh it off. Pretend that I knew he was standing there. Well, he definitely didn’t see the funny side. I was laying on the bed, he jumped on top of me, hit me over and over again. Put his hands around my neck and choked me until I was unconscious.
When I woke up, he was just standing over me staring at me. I was scared for my life. My phone was in my pocket, I quickly got it out and dialled 999. As soon as he saw me with my phone he threw it to the other side of the room. I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do. Blood was streaming from my nose and my whole body was so so sore. I just apologised, said it was all my fault and I should never of looked on his phone. He eventually calmed down and told me he forgave me and that I shouldn’t do that again.

As soon as he went back in the kitchen, I took my phone and my car keys and ran as fast as I could to the car praying he wouldn’t catch up with me. I drove straight to the police station where they called an ambulance. I was in hospital for 3 days, I was badly bruised and had two broken ribs.

I decided that day that enough was enough. I honestly thought he was going to kill me that night, I finally realised I had been so stupid and selfish. I felt incredibly guilty for letting my son see what he saw and felt like the worst mother in the world.

I told my family everything. They were so sad for me and were in complete shock. I think they felt guilty too because I didn’t let them know what was going on at the time, but it wasnt their fault. I was ashamed and embarrassed. Towards the end, I even thought it was normal.

I didn’t press charges which I still regret to this day. I’m not the same person I used to be before I met him. He drained the life out of me. 8 years on I still have awful trust issues and doubt a lot of things that anyone tells me.

Anyone going through the same – I know at the time it seems impossible, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But please, tell someone. Leave before it’s too late. There is always someone out there who will listen and help you!! No one deserves to be treated like that!!