Epilepsy Is Hard But My Loneliness Is Worst

I knew my life was going to be hard when I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 11 , but I didn’t realise just how hard it would actually be.

 The hardest part is watching everyone you get close to pull away and move on with their lives some with amazing careers some having families and im not saying their lives are perfect far from it but when I sit looking at my own life im still exactly where I was the day I left school but 20 years has gone and EpI have even fewer options in life left.

… and what have I got for it … experience … pain .. loss… grief … they say you get out of life what you put in .. but there’s no way in hell I put all this in.

I don’t need to hear that a friend of yours has epilepsy and they have a family a job etc, there are different degrees of epilepsy, I have Grand mal seizures these have two stages:

• Tonic phase. Loss of consciousness occurs, and the muscles suddenly contract and cause me to fall down. This phase tends to last about 10 to 20 seconds, i have had head injuries, broken bones and a fear of going out.
• Clonic phase. The muscles go into rhythmic contractions, alternately flexing and relaxing. Convulsions usually last one to two minutes or less, this can happen to me up to 50 times a day.

Yes i am on medication, i have tried cannabis oil which has helped t a degree but not prevented my seizures, i just have to face that this is my life for ever, the pain is bad,  but the loneliness is worse, I wish I was normal but for the most part I just wish I had an understanding friend.