Hi could you please post this private, I’ve been with my partner 5 years we’ve b…

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Hi could you please post this private, I’ve been with my partner 5 years we’ve been on and off and have two children who are 10 months apart, he wasn’t there for our first child’s birth because he accused me of faking labour pains so he couldn’t watch the World Cup on our second child I was in my parents house and she was born in there sitting room, anyway after 5 years our relationship is still horrible, he’s 13 years older than me an has two kids with pervious partners, anyway lately he’s been so mean to me, when I was pregnant on our first child my brother killed himself an my partner wasn’t there for me, but anyway 5 years later we’ve broke up a lot an I’ve always moved back to my parents house but lately he’s been awful towards me he disappears every week for 1 or 2 nights then comes back an acts like nothings happened and won’t tell me where he’s been, for the last week or so he’s told me twice he’s only staying with me for the kids sake, but he convinced me last week to borrow money so we could go away as a family for a weekend anyway I borrowed the money an booked hotels and the whole lot, on our first night away he was fine up until 7-8 o’clock an he told me it’s a women’s job to get children asleep and if I didn’t do it he’d drive home and leave myself and the kids at the hotel with no way home, so I did what he said and he vanished and didn’t come back until 7 o’clock the next morning, then woke up and blamed me on everything and repeatedly told me if it wasn’t for our kids he’d be gone he wanted to leave myself and the kids at home with no money and nothing for dinner when we got home, when I asked why he’d be so mean he laughed and pretended to yawn while saying shut up talking you’re useless anyway, now I no myself if it wasn’t for me our children wouldn’t see him because he’d be to busy with his friends which he’s done before our children haven’t seen him for months on end unless we’re together, now after last night and the way he’s spoke to me and how he’s spoke about our children I really don’t think I can put up with anymore of his abuse but my problem is I do love him regardless of what he says because he’s my children’s father but how do I break this cycle and start a new life for myself and children where I’m happy and not being talked down to constantly where I end up doubting my parenting skills when I’ve been the only parent our children had over the last few years.
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