How Can You Not Worry When Your Child Has Just Died

A parents worst nightmare

It was a normal Sunday evening. We had a busy morning me and my daughter. We went to the zoo and then she had a birthday party in the afternoon. We got home and she said she didn’t feel very well, so I told her to go and lay on the sofa, chill and watch some television.

I finished my washing and cleaning the kitchen and went and joined her for cuddles before bath and bed. She had her head in my lap and I was thoughtlessly playing with her hair whilst watching a film she enjoyed.

Then all of a sudden she felt awfully still, I thought maybe she was asleep? Tad bit annoyed because she needed a bath for school the next day so I stroked her face trying to wake her. She didn’t respond. I stood up and she just flopped onto the sofa, ok now I was worried.

I put her on the floor in the recovery position to which she didn’t stay in. She started having a seizure. Right there in front of my eyes. I rang 999 and told them they need to get here, I couldn’t talk.

I couldn’t get the words out what was happening. I gave them my address and a agonisingly long 4minutes had passed and they was here. She had to be sedated. We got into the ambulance and she had another seizure, this time it was only for a couple of minutes and then she went still, dead still.

I have never seen people move so fast. Her heart had stopped, felt like mine did too. They were able to get her heart pumping again as we arrived at the hospital. I was told I wasn’t allowed in with her until she was settled and they had done tests.

It turned out my daughter had a ear infection and a chest infection. Not once did she complain about any pain in her ear or have any sort of cough. They gave her antibiotics and said she would make a full recovery and no sign of any brain damage or anything to worry about. WORRY ABOUT?! My daughter just died a few hours before and they don’t want me to worry?

The also informed me it was not a seizure it was another febrile convulsion but this one just made her heart stop, it was too much for her. I felt guilty for the anger, for not knowing she had an ear infection and chest infection. As a mother I will always blame myself when it comes to my daughter. As a mother this was the worst day of my life.