I Had To Choose Which Child To Keep

I had to choose which child to keep

I can only be a good parent to one of my two child and this kills me inside.

I have two children Shane who Is 13 and Chloe who is 3, I love them both so much.

Shane has always been a hand full, playing truant from school, hanging around with the wrong crowd and getting up to mischief, Shane was always so angry and quick to fly into a temper.

I have had the school, police and social services involved to try to control and calm Shane down and trying to teach me ways to deal with him.

Shane did have some good traits he dotted on his little sister always hugging her and playing with her, I never once thought he would hurt her, yes he had slapped me on a number of occasions but Chloe was his favourite person in the whole world.

Shane was already in his 4th secondary school after being excluded from others, just after Halloween I received a call from Shane’s new school.

It had been brought to a teacher’s attention that my son had been boasting to his friends that when he got home he was going to rape and drown his sister in the bath.

I will never know if he meant it or whether he was just showing off in front of everyone.

I wasn’t prepared to take that chance, I had no control of him, at the age of 13 he was bigger and stronger than me, had he tried to hurt Chloe I would have had little power to stop him.

I handed my first-born child over to the local authority to protect my youngest child.

Not a day goes by where I don’t feel ashamed and guilty, Shane won’t speak to me, the last thing he said to me before he cut contact was “you picked her over me, if you thought I was gonna hurt her why didn’t you give her up”.

I had to make a choice my violent son whom I loved but had failed or my innocent daughter.

Did I make the right choice, my daughter would have been loved by any family had I given her up, but my son needed me.

I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with my decision but I did what I thought was right for my daughter.

I just hope my son grows up into a decent human being and we can rekindle some sort of relationship.