I Knew It Was Going To Happen I Came Last In The Charity Race

I knew it was going to happen.

I knew I was going to come last in the charity race.

I thought I was prepared for it.

But I wasn’t.

There is nothing wrong with coming last.

There really isn’t.

Unfortunately someone has to do it.

Each lap I cried.

10 fucking laps.

I cried because people had to pity clap me.

I cried because people had to wait until I was finished so they could pack up & go home.

They didn’t want to hang around waiting for me.

They wanted to do their own thing.

Be with their family.

Not watch some fat girl running.

Eventually I finished.

Everyone packed up & went home.

I cried & cried & cried in the car on the way home.

I cried to my husband.

I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up & felt ok.

Emotionally okay.

Physically I’m fucked.

I got on my phone and I saw them.

All the photos.

My friends all smiling.

My friends in groups with their medals.

Where was I?

I’m not in any of them.

I was still to finish.

I was still going.

I missed out.

But then I realised I had FINISHED, I crossed the line, I pushed myself, I may have come last, I may not be in any of the photos, but I carried on regardless, I did not give up, I did not give in, the more I run, the more i force myself to do better, the fitter, thinner and healthier I will become.

Coming last was a great thing because next year I won’t be in the same position, next year I WILL b in all the photos, not as an out of shape, fat, unhealthy woman, but as a woman who has fought to be there.

I did not give up and now I will push myself to do better.

If you are reading this and feel you are unhealthy or over weight do not give up,keep pushing yourself and you will get there.