I married a bully.
I married a piss poor excuse of a man that started slapping me after the first year. He then went on to constantly give me black eyes, break my nose and even shove a glass in my face. Jade was only a little girl, but she saw some of it, and when she was at the age of 4 or 5 I left him. He started turning the light off and back on again because he knew it scared her. He could do what he liked to me but I would never cry. His only way to really get to me was through Jade. That was enough for me to exit that marriage, so we left. I left my own house and a lot of what was in it just to get away from that scumbag; I was not prepared to put her in danger.
Jade knew what was going on and as she grew she wasn’t going to let anyone treat her the way I had been treated. She’d seen the pain I’d had to go through and the pills the doctor put me on because of the state I was in. Valium, Amitriptyline, Prozac… You name it, I’ve been on it.
At the ripe old age of 26 I was a wreck. Beaten black and blue for years by a piece of shit whose aim in life was to kick fuck out of someone he professed to love. He’d cover me in ‘love’ bites and scrawl big purple welts down my back. HIS marks!
So, Jade steered clear of scum like him. Then she met someone she hadn’t seen for years and started dating him. It lasted about 7 months from start to finish. He wanted her to settle down, have kids etc but that’s not what she wanted. Jade was loving life. She loved her job, had her own house, new car, went on different holidays around the world, loved her family and her friends. Life couldn’t have been better for her.
Jump forward to today…
6 years ago today, at around this time 5:45pm, Jade sat on my sofa and told me her new ‘man’ was jealous, possessive and that she had finished with ‘him’ but not told him. She said she wanted to ‘break away gently’, so had told him she wanted a little space. I told her he would hit her. I know the signs; been there, done that. She said she didn’t think he would.
I never saw her again because 2 days later she was dead.
Backed into her own kitchen, stabbed 96 times with at least 4 of her own kitchen knives, while he screamed at her ‘that’s what you get for being a slag’. The filthy, murdering bastard thought she was seeing someone else, when all along she wanted a little peace away from his demands. And away from that bitch of a mother of his who supplied the bullets for the murderers imaginary gun.
He made such a mess of Jade that I never got to say goodbye. I wasn’t able to see her because he shredded her; something his mother saw and hope she sees every single night when she closes her eyes and every single morning when she opens them.
I don’t dwell on those scumbags, but they are still breathing, so I hope they both suffer a long, excruciatingly painful death. And I hope Jade haunts them every rotten day they are on this Earth, but she won’t. Because Jade was lovely and wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing.
So, my darling Jade, I will be reading my cards in a moment and hoping you will come to me for a little while. I miss you so bad and regardless of what people say, it doesn’t get any easier.
Keep on dancing up there
xxx <3 xxx