I Wish I Had Done More To Save My Boys

There has been a few people who have asked me exactly how our sons Thunder and Cloud died. I’m gonna explain here what happened during my pregnancy and their birth. Thunder and Cloud were due on December 3rd. At 15 weeks gestation I had a major bleed which sent us to the hospital thinking I was having miscarriage. We had a ultrasound and the babies were doing great! We were so relieved. The cause of this major bleed was a Large subchorionic hemorrhage (hematoma). We were sent home told to take it easy and so I was on modified bed rest for a few weeks.

Our SCH covered 50% of the gestational sac and mesured 13cm X 10cm X 2cm. The awareness about SCH is not there. Lots of people told me that they were super common and that I’d be fine etc. But the hematoma is ultimately what killed my babies. 💔Over the next 6 weeks we were extremely careful taking every precaution we could. I bled the whole 6 weeks and had 2 more big bleeds and then on July 21st I had an other large bleed and lost the mucous plug and was having very light contractions.

We went back to the misacordia hospital where they assessed me and said I was 1cm dilated with a bulging membrane. They transferred us by ambulance to the Royal Alexandra hospital where they put me on progesterone and bed rest explaining to us that if the babies were born before 23 weeks they would not do anything to try to save them. They also did not want to give me the steroids to help their lungs develop until 23 weeks.

We just really hoped they would stay in there ! After 5 days of bed rest I went into labour. We prayed it would stop. Even after 10 hours of labour. Then once I was past 5cm dilated I knew 😭💔 my waters both broke only towards the end after 18 hours of labour right after I got the epidural. Thunder and Cloud were born on July 26th 2019. They’re we’re tiny but fully formed except for their lungs and so perfect !! They were 100% healthy babies and deserved a chance at life they had 0 concerns or complications and had been growing sooo well !

Thunder was just a little darker and purple looking because he came out breach and bum first and he got stuck and squeezed in the birth canal through a couple contractions. Then their skin started to scab after they were born because their skin was not protected by the vernix since they were so premature. Cloud even measured a few days bigger when twins usually measure smaller then their gestation. But Because I was 10 days before their viability mark they didn’t do anything for Thunder and Cloud.

They died while We held them on my chest from lack of oxygen because they were not able to breathe on their own. 💔😭 My precious beautiful Boys were born 4 months premature at 21.3 weeks. They were so extremely wanted loved and cherished and they will be forever. It really makes you think though how could hospitals let all these babies die just for guild lines and a difference of a few days. In lots of places around the world there are 21-22 week babies who have survived and are now healthy happy children those babies were actually given a chance. Life has been extremely hard lately with extreme postpartum depression setting in and PTSD from the trauma of everything that’s happened to us all, and missing my baby boys so much.

I wish I could hold your little bodies and kiss your little cheeks Thunder and Cloud i wish I could have seen your eyes look up at me and heard your cry’s i wish I could have done more to save you boys mama tried soooo hard. I love you both more then words can express.

Credit https://www.facebook.com/soniia.charboneau