I’m Not Even Sorry You Miss Your Child

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woman crying upset distressed child father absence. I'm noteven sorry you miss your child
I'm not even sorry you miss your child

Here we go again. 

It’s 09:26am and I’m sat here once again with a coffee in hand, admiring my daughter playing with her toys, fighting back the tears, wondering what my child did so badly to deserve to be put second by her ‘father’. 

He was supposed to be here at 08:00am.
After two weeks working away and missing his daughter, he couldn’t make it last night because he was stuck at the barbers; a BARBERS. 
No awful road accident, nobody had died, he hadn’t lost a limb and he was still very much alive.
These should be the only things stopping a parent from seeing their child, the only things. 
I did my usual and offered him a time slot for this morning; I compromised, because that’s what co-parenting is about, right?
So, yeah, he’s not turned up at the agreed time. 
Why? 

Because he’s in bed after going on a drink and drugs binge last night, so he’s not fit to even care for my child.
This isn’t the first time it’s happened, but it’s the last; I’ll make damn sure of that. 

Nearly two years of inconsistency and excuses – how long am I supposed to wait for someone to change? If they don’t want to change for their child, who will they change for?
I’d have agreed to a later time, but he’s in a hurry to visit his new girlfriend at 12pm and she’s a 5 hour drive away – now tell me, who comes first?
Call me a bitch, whatever – I’m out of f***s now. 

Why are people so quick to call a mother names for stopping contact between a father and their child?
“Don’t stop contact, she’ll find out for herself when she’s older.”
I would usually apologise but I’m past giving a rats arse – why do I want to give my daughter a childhood that she has to recover from? 
Why should I place her in to the firing line of an emotionally abusive, lying, manipulative and drug abusing, lousy excuse for a human being?
She won’t thank me when she’s on medication or in therapy, when she goes through endless toxic relationships because she thinks this behaviour is normal.
Why would any parent allow this?!

In actual fact, I’m a bad parent for allowing contact if anything. 
Children aside, do you have any idea how much damage this also does to the mother? The person actually taking full responsibility of the child takes an emotional beating too, because all she wants to do is protect their child from hurt, pain or sufferance and she has to constantly pick up the pieces all the time.

How can a mother be happy if her children are hurting?
It’s a mother’s instinct to prevent unnecessary injury to their child; physically and emotionally.
You wouldn’t allow another child to bully your child and you wouldn’t encourage them to be in their life, that’s for sure; so why is this different? 

In fact, it’s worse. 

It’s worse because a parent is supposed to be a role model; they’re the people who set examples for how we’re supposed to be treated – how can we do that if our own parents have no respect for us?
Do I wait until she’s old enough to understand or do I shield her from years of disappointment, lies, hurt and wondering why she’s not good enough?
You’ve already answered that yourself.
No child should ever feel like they’re not worth it and I’ll fight until my last breath if it means them never having to feel like they’re not good enough.
Today was the day I fell to pieces in front of my child and I will never forgive you. 

This picture was taken whilst writing this:

Credit: https://theunicorninblack.com/

 

2 COMMENTS

  1. My children have grown up, but i went through the same with ex husband my compromise was have a drugs test when you get a clear one thats when you see your kids, but again the drug life was more important that our children .Now 22yrs of age and 24 they know who he is and they’ve now seen for themselves what he is , he douesnt impress them to say the least , he’s a good deterant for them not to do drugsx

  2. Been here too with my children when they were younger, sitting by the window, bags packed waiting on daddy only for him not to show as he was out with friends or with the new girlfriend. You pick up the pieces and try to hide your pain as you cancel your work shift and do something exciting with your kids to distract them. In the end draw the line and plan your days with your child I did this and my kids know all too well they came way down the line in their fathers life and now all 3 of mine are adults who have chosen to put their father at the end of their line. I now look forward to ‘giving my daughter away’ when she gets married in 2 years time, this is my place not his. Stay strong you will be fine and your child too and it will be you alone that has earned that special place in her heart and life. X

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