When I found out I was pregnant again, I wanted nothing more than to be successful at breastfeeding.
But when we found out of Samuel’s diagnosis, I knew that was not going to happen. Just another hope that was taken from me.
Before Samuel passed, I told myself I would pump my milk to donate. Afterall, Porter was given donated milk more than half of her first year of life!
I couldn’t save Samuel’s life, but maybe I could save another baby’s life .
Pumping is not for the faint of heart. It’s hard. Mentally and physically. And it’s even harder when you don’t actually have a baby.
There were times I was angry because why did my milk have to come in when I had no baby to feed? Why was I waking up in the middle of the night for this? The other part of me felt it was the only thing connecting me to Samuel here on Earthside. I sure hope he’s proud of me!
I pumped for 63 days after his birth. I am not an over supplier by any means- but I did it.
And today, his due date, I donated my milk to the NICU milkbanks for the first and last time. Walking through the hallways of the hospital was just another step in healing.And I know, (because I felt him), that Samuel was there with me💜