Well bugger me, there is no ‘right time’ to do an Aldi Shop.
If you choose to take your beautiful children, they will absolutely destroy you!!
Can I have this useless stuff I’ll never use Mummy?
Can I have a crappy magazine that I’ll probably eat when im bored, with an even crappier choke hazard Toy inside it for £6 Mummy
Can I have 369 Bananas Mummy
Can I have 4 packs of Kinder Eggs Mummy
SHUT THE HELL UP!! Can i have my Bladder control back that you both took when you shot out?? You thieving little kids! NO I cant!!
Within 2 Minutes of stepping inside, you’re approximately £10 down already, you’re hiding behind the Cereal having an anxiety attack, popping PRN Propranolol from your bag, whilst carrying a Shitty Magazine, 369 Bananas and watching your 3 Year Old totally lose her shit on the floor because you won’t buy her every Kinder Egg from the shelves!!
If you choose to go alone on the very rare occasion you have no kids, bloody Doreen’s always out and she WILL mess with your Day!!
Everybody knows Aldi is a ONE WAY System!! You go in, then up and down the aisles in a one way system until you get to Turbo Tracey’s Till at the end when you need another Propranolol!! If you get to the Milk and realise you forgot Bread, tough ! You’re screwed. You have to go back to the beginning and round again! It’s the unwritten rule, Yes?
No, Not Doreen. She’s a bloody rebel!
She cuts across all the isles without checking her blind spots like the bastard STIG in a Bugatti and nearly takes you out, all for a pack of part cooked crusty cobs that she can’t even bloody chew!
Then you’re left with a choice. Should I politely say “go on Love, you’re ok” or, do I smash her in the back of the Ankles with the trolley, blame a random 3 Year old and run like hell? Depends where i am in the Month. Do one Doreen!!
So now you’re done, you know you’ve forgotten almost everything you came for but think, Screw it id rather die than go round again! You load your Items on the belt and Turbo Twatting Trace is After an Olympic Gold Medal in food scanning! F*** me! She’s like F**king Robo Cop slinging it all through whilst you slowly and ever so silently have a nervous breakdown inside, and yet another Social Anxiety Attack. Nice one C*** Face Trace!! 🖕🏻🖕🏻
Never Shop At Aldi You Have Been Warned!!