Please could I have a private post, thank you, I need help I really do I’m just …
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Please could I have a private post, thank you, I need help I really do I’m just to embarrassed to go and get it, basically ive been making myself throw up for the last 9 months i did it a couple of years back too when I was around 14 stone I was doing it so much in one day I burst my blood vessels in my eyes, I managed to control it and stopped doing it replaced it with exercising and running but 9 months ago it all started again i was about 12 stone I was and still am constantly looking at all the bad parts of my body I can just see far everywhere my partner found out about me making myself throw up when he noticed me disappearing upstairs straight after tea then heard me being sick a couple of times so confronted me I opened up to him and said I wouldn’t do it anymore he didn’t understand the struggle I was having with food and myself i tried and instead of doing that i cut down my portions considerably I became secretive with making myself throw up and ended up underweight and looking horribly thin I didn’t like myself still i still wasn’t happy and neither was my partner my breasts had dissapered, my bum had gone my hip bones would stick out as wiered as it sounds I felt proud of myself I’d spent alot of my life overweight and to finally be classed as underweight was a huge achievement for me, both me and my partner agreed I should put on a little bit just to try and look a little healthier so i did I put on 7 pounds i weighed myself this morning and there I am 10stone 2 at 5ft11 that’s usually considered “healthy” anything between 9st7 and 12st odd is, but I’m not sure what happened I just went in the kitchen ate two goals bowls of cerial and a biscuit and went and threw it all up again, I’m so disappointed in myself and i know my partner already wants me to seek professional help so if he found out I’ve done it again he’ll he adamant on it I really don’t want to I want to be able to control myself and love myself and appreciate where I am right now I also have a child who I love with every part of me I don’t want to harm myself I just want to be happy with myself no matter what i do I don’t seem to be there, on the very very rare occasion I look at my body in the mirror and think it looks nice but usually all my mind concentrates on is the “fat bits” that my partner says I don’t have, it’s frustrating too because I’m reminding myself of those girls we’ve all come across in school that’s like oh I’m fat ect for attention but I don’t want anyone to compliment me i need someone to help me love myself please has anyone any advice on how to control this myself I can’t go on living off either one meal a day or stuffing my face and throwing it up sometimes I can control it for say like a week or so but then before I know it ive got my head in the toilet I’m sorry it’s so lomg thank you xx
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