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Ppp not baby related but since having my 2 kids I have put on a a lot of weight …

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Ppp not baby related but since having my 2 kids I have put on a a lot of weight and feel so unattractive..partner (dad to both kids aged 11 and 7) doesn’t seem to mind to much even though I feel shit..what should I do other than lose weight which I have tried (size 18) but I still look at my calves and feel they the same size as normal persons thighs I am disgusted in myself..feel like ending it all cos I’m not like normal people x
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