PPP? sensitive & long post Girls I don’t even know what I’m looking for but I…

☡☡☡ sensitive & long post☡☡☡

Girls I don’t even know what I’m looking for but I’m hoping it helps to clear my mind a little!!

So my LB is 10months, in these months he has had suspected milk allergy, severe excema, tonsilitis, bronchitis and HFM.

Bronchitis hit him really hard. We were in hospital for a week and at one point it was that bad that I thought I was going to lose him. That was 3 weeks ago. Now the Saturday just gone I’d noticed he was beginning to get a cough again, took him doctors today and they’ve put him back on steroids and pennecilin. He’s had more steroids and pennecillin then I have had my entire life and I’ve got chronic asthma.

I don’t think I can do this again. Since we’ve been back from hospital he’s awake every 2hrs, doesn’t nap in the day and just generally clingy. I don’t think we’ve had a month where it hasn’t been a hospital visit!!! He has just started nursery and I’ve just started back at work. I would of been back for a month but I’ve had 3weeks off due to these ilnesses.

On top of that, nursery fees are proving too much and I need to look for a childminder and it fucking kills me. On top of that his dad is happily in another relationship and she’s moved in with him, making the exchange really bloody horrible to do. My uncle died all in the midst of it too. On top of that I was seeing someone who I thought was so close to perfect… he emotionally abused me for hours on end out of the blue then I found out he has a drug issue. Also my brother has completely lost his mind due to childhood trauma, makong my mother stressed and scared. I feel like I can’t talk to family because there’s too much going on and tbh I’ve forgotten what “friends” are since I’ve become a mother.

Honestly I am so close to breaking point. I wake up and think I really don’t want to do today. And that’s nearly every day now. I’ve been strong all my life, but slowly I am beginning to let it get to me.

Before anyone thinks it may be PND, I don’t know. I’m scared it’ll lead to that. But I can’t wait to get my LB from nursery and we do have a bond and that’s what keeps me from thinking I might have it. I feel like I have hit a huge crisis in my life at the age of 24 and there’s no way out. Does anyone understand me?😔


Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: