PPP. Truly stumped and worried. Do I report someone to social work if I think th…

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PPP. Truly stumped and worried. Do I report someone to social work if I think they’re going to crack and hurt themselves or the kids?

A close friend has just had her 4th child and she’s just turned 22, first 3 kids have major behavioural problems as they saw mum and dad violently attack each other my friend being violent and she abused her partner but he only gets 2 hour visits 2 2 of the kids. She got signed off from social work last year due to how it effected the kids and she couldn’t cope. Although she has me or another friend stay every night to get her kids fed, bathed and put to bed as she can’t cope alone. She got pregnant to her new “boyfriend” within 2 weeks of being together and he didn’t want the baby, works away refuses to move in with her, is possibly still doing drugs, illegally works bringing £1000s a month while claiming benefits for his own home he doesn’t use apart 1 night every 6-8 weeks when he appears back and has his kids from a previous relationship. He is only with her maybe 3-4 nights every 2 or 3 months and doesn’t help any other time. I forgot he also has warrants out for his arrest. She’s been breaking down in the shops leaving the 4 kids, breaking down at school and refuses to go to the doctor or health visitor for help. She is constantly causing issues with her “boyfriends” family refusing to let most of them see the child and takes tantrums if his mum goes out with her daughter or daughter in law (her daughter in law is just her 4th daughter they’re inseparable also she has over 10 biological granbabies to help with) my friend can’t handle it she pushes her kids in and refuses to leave until his mum keeps the kids or she just dumps the baby at his sisters at times without even a bottle or nappy. I spoke to that sister she’s also a friend she said she’s scared to leave the baby with my friend or her other children as the kids destroy everything and constantly hurt each other babies only 8 weeks.
We have been friends since primary school and she refuses any help, I stay 4 to 7 nights a week while working 12 hour shifts and have my own home and do everything for her, she doesn’t even do housework anymore. I can’t leave her at nights as she’s in a dark way her “boyfriends” useless he doesn’t do anything apart from sleep at her house for sex when he’s here he doesn’t even help with her other kids. Advice please do I ruin my friendship?


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15 COMMENTS

  1. I feel like she doesn’t see this as a friendship anymore. But my god are you amazing. I think for the sakeofyourself and hose poor children you need to report it all. You have your own life to lead. You are incredible for dealing with this for so long but you’re friend needs help. Those children need help and you need a medal. 🙂 xx

  2. Your not going to retain this friendship and help the kids at the same time. She shouldn’t have kids at all and will be better off without her. So what’s best for the kids welfare and report her.

  3. You need to hand the responsibility. To the professionals, phone social services, let them evaluate and assist, you won’t forgive yourself if something happens to your friend who quite obviously has serious post natal depression. Make the call anon and be there as a friends not a keeper x

  4. Have u said anything to her or told her how to get help if she is depressed she needs to get help fast before she goes down even further. Depression is very hard to deal with. Dose she even know what she’s doing half the time? Have u explained how ur seeing things and how others will see things? I don’t believe she’s a horrible person otherwise I doubt she would actually have any mates. She must of been an ok person for you to have been mates for so long. I get your trying to help and that’s great that she has someone like you. But you need to actually get her to listen.

  5. Well for one thing you can do it anonymously so she won’t know it was you and also to be really honest it may be the kick up the arse she needs to get help for not just her sake but for those poor children :/ x

  6. Social services always try to keep children with there mother’s. It’s alright for people to say they would be better of with out her . Think how that would affect the children being taken away from there mummy . Also I think it would tip your friend over the edge if that happened. But yes I think either she needs to go see the doctor . Because to me she seems depressed

  7. Can you be my friend? Your a bloody trooper girl xx but what u need to do is tell someone with authority to help, y’all can’t keep putting your life on hold and unfortunately if nothing changes those kids will only get worse with the behavior problems, it’s not about your friend anymore its about getting those babies the right help they need xx good luck

  8. Honestly,I think you’ve done your best here. Staying with her most of the week is going to have a huge impact on your own life and if she can’t get her shit together for the sake of the 4 kids she chose to have then maybe they’d be better off without her. Those kids need to you to be their voice,their advocate. Those kids and their welfare are more important than your friendship with her

  9. Wow. Awful situation. You’ve done a lot so far. Yes report it all. I’m surprised they’re not involved already if she’s been breaking down everywhere. It’s in the children’s best interests as hard as it will be.

  10. Everyones quick to say ss call them how would u feel if the shoes was on the other help clearly she needs some meds an a kick up the arse not to be grassed on by someone whos sposed to be her mate get her family to sort her also social services dont always help family’s they ruin them yes sometimes for good reasons but how manu of them do u no about nobody knows what shes going through one thing i do think she should do stop having unsafe sex because 22 an four children wow

  11. She might be ashamed n stubborn to get help the best thing do is speak to ya friend or if u done that couldnt u call social to come out to speak to her about the help she can get cause dhe probs think ss wont help or the doctors ss are not there to take them they will more likly support her when she opens up how she feels she will feel much better when she spoke out hope things gets sorted x

  12. I think you know what you need to do, she needs help and if won’t do it herself she needs you to make sure that she not spiralling out of control and putting her children in danger , these kids deserve better than this they will go to family members who will care for them properly and keep them safe. How can you go to work and leave those babies there with her so unwell 😢

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