Today It Happened He Asked To Try For Another Baby

Today it happened.

My fiancée brought up getting pregnant again. I knew it would happen.

He said “I want to see if we can have a normal pregnancy you know. Have a baby come home two days later and you actually get to breastfeed.”

I told him I never want to be pregnant again and if we really want another child we can adopt, I cannot be pregnant again, I mean biologically I can but Mentally I cannot do it.

I really would like to get pregnant and have an easy pregnancy but I’m too scared to. I delivered my twins at beautiful twins at 25 weeks and 4 days, my baby girl passed away, and Max my baby boy spent 140 days in the NICU before he could come home, every day I sat by him, praying he would survive and was so happy he was still with me but at the same time mourning the loss of my little girl and organising her burial all whilst my son held on to his life and was fighting for every breath . I CANNOT DO IT AGAIN.

My partner has suggested I have therapy and thinks that I might have PTSD, how can I be pregnant again, what if it happens again I don’t think I have the strength to fight my emotions again, to see my baby struggle, to loss another baby, yes i may go on to have a “normal” pregnancy and birth but I do not want to take that risk I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH!!!

How do I make my partner understand that I am weak but at the same time I am just happy to be a mum to one, or am I ill, should I get over my traumatic time and bite the bullet and try for another child?