Unless you have lost a parent you won’t understand the days where half of you is completely gone, you can’t get out of bed, have no motivation for anything, not even to eat or drink, not to wash or brush your hair or get dressed.
The days you cry for hours. The days you drive yourself insane asking yourself if it was your fault and could you have changed anything. The days of waking up taking multiple different medications just to try to keep your brain stable.
The days of anger and rage where you feel everything is against you. The days you are triggered by something so slight that it will make you burst into tears. The days of seeing little girls happy with their fathers or hearing people say “hello dad” on the phone. The days of wishing, hoping, begging to turn back time.
The days of wondering what the future would have been like and imagining all the happy times you could have had. The days of wishing that it would have happened later on in many many years down the line so you could have experienced life together and been by each other’s sides. The days of wishing you had a family to support you through, or just someone to call when your crying all alone.
But this is the reality that I have to wake up to every day. These are the days I spend with my dad now, cuddling his ashes and having one-sided conversations only imagining what his replies would be, a voice in my head and a memory in my heart.
It’s important to remember that just because we walk around with normal faces it doesn’t mean we aren’t dying and broken inside.
I wrote this to show that these are “the days” I face now. They will never understand but maybe they might realise just how hard it truly is. I suffer every single day.
I’m so glad this post is bringing comfort to people, we are not alone in this x
Credit: Tallula Hurford