To the new mom sitting in the NICU holding back her tears:
You did everything you could to have a healthy pregnancy but yet here you are…sitting across an isolette watching your baby breathe while all the monitors are going on and off behind you. You’re wondering what you did wrong and why your body failed you. You’re blaming yourself while trying to memorize and learn all the new medical terms that keep getting thrown at you.
Now you’re struggling to keep a good breastmilk supply because you’re body wasn’t ready to give birth yet-because you can’t breastfeed your baby yet-because you can’t do skin to skin as often-because the stress is affecting you so you gotta pump A LOT and chug down water around the clock. And trust me, you’re not gonna want to give up because this is the only thing you can provide for your baby that will help her thrive. Also, even though you don’t have your baby with you at night, you’re still not gonna be able to sleep. You will wake up wondering how she’s doing and you will call the NICU. Or if you’re anything like me, you will drive yourself to the hospital in the middle of the night.
You’re going to watch your baby fight for survival and you’re going to wish you could take all the pain away from her. You will also watch her reach milestones and they will fill you with pride and FAITH. You’re going to cry. You’re going to laugh. You’re going to get frustrated. You will also feel your heart sink every time you get a call from the NICU and you’re gonna deal with people telling you things like “you’re lucky you didn’t go through the third trimester,” and it’s gonna infuriate you. But don’t get mad at them, they don’t know the struggle of your heart. But I do, I know what it’s like to push through the physical and emotional pain. I know what it’s like to watch a little piece of your heart sleep inside a clear plastic box. But I can tell you one thing; you’re doing amazing. You’re a fighter just like your baby and you will persevere. I promise you that one day you will look back and realize how LUCKY you are for being the chosen one. God chose you to witness a miracle and He only did it because He knows how strong you are. Hang in there mamma, when you look into your baby’s eyes while heading home for the first time you’ll realize it was all worth it