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I need to know if I am in the wrong here, I am pretty sure I am not.
My partner was married for 11 years to the mother of his three children, I met him 2 years after they had split and we are very happy together and I get on really well with his three children there is only one problem, my partners ex-wife!!!
She kept his surname when they split and I didn’t say anything straight away I then asked him why she still had it when they are divorced, he did not answer me.
Since then she has remarried changed her name to her new married name divorced again and gone back to my partners surname.
Am I wrong in asking him to ask her to go to her maiden name and not his name?? We are going through a bad patch on the verge of splitting up as it is. I have to deal with her going to his family parties which I hate and now she has gone back to his name.
We were planning to get married in the next few years but I refuse while she has his name. Surely when u divorce u would go back to your maiden name.
He argues that she may want the same surname as their children but this argument is invalid as surely she would have kept that name when she married her last husband, i cannot share the same name as her, especially as she is still unfortunately very much part of our lives.
Everyone I have spoken to says that it is strange or one person commented that her maiden name must be awful to avoid using it again (it’s a pretty normal surname) am I wrong to feel upset and annoyed by this or am I being selfish or unnecessarily annoyed?
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She’s probably kept his surname as its the same as her children. It’s not an invalid point its very natural to take a new husbands name but if unmarried to keep the same surname as your children. My mother did, she and my dad divorced she never remarried but was with another partner for a long time so changed her name by deed poll when the split she went back to my dad’s surname as that was mine and my brothers name. My father has no issue with that nor does his new wife. A names a name why let it bother you that much.