A Silent Tragedy In How We Are Raising Our Children
A SILENT TRAGEDY
There is a silent tragedy that is unfolding today in our homes and concerns our most precious jewels: our children.
Our children are in a devastating emotional state! In the last 15 years, researchers have given us increasingly alarming statistics on a sharp and steady increase in childhood mental illness that is now reaching epidemic proportions:
Statistics do not lie:
• 1 in 5 children have mental health problems
• A 43% increase in diagnosed ADHD
• A 37% increase in adolescent depression has been noted
• There has been a 200% increase in the suicide rate in children aged 10 to 14
What is happening and what are we doing wrong?
Today’s children are being over-stimulated and over-gifted with material objects, but they are deprived of the fundamentals of a healthy childhood, such as:
• Emotionally available parents
• Clearly defined limits
• Responsibilities
• Balanced nutrition and adequate sleep
• Movement in general but especially outdoors
• Creative play, social interaction, unstructured game opportunities and boredom spaces
Instead, in recent years, children have been filled with:
• Digitally distracted parents
• Indulgent and permissive parents who let children “rule the world” and whoever sets the rules
• A sense of right, of deserving everything without earning it or being responsible for obtaining it
• Inadequate sleep and unbalanced nutrition
• A sedentary lifestyle
• Endless stimulation, technological nannies, instant gratification and absence of boring moments
What to do?
If we want our children to be happy and healthy individuals, we have to wake up and get back to basics. It is still possible! Many families see immediate improvements after weeks of implementing the following recommendations:
• Set limits and remember that you are the captain of the ship. Your children will feel more confident knowing that you have control of the helm.
• Offer children a balanced lifestyle full of what children NEED, not just what they WANT. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to your children if what they want is not what they need.
• Provide nutritious food and limit junk food.
• Spend at least one hour a day outdoors doing activities such as cycling, walking, fishing, bird/insect watching
• Enjoy a daily family dinner without smartphones or distracting technology, let everyone feel valued
• Play board games as a family or if children are very small for board games, just let the pretend to play it
• Involve your children in some homework or household chores according to their age (folding clothes, hanging clothes, unpacking food, setting the table, feeding the dog, etc.)
• Implement a consistent sleep routine to ensure your child gets enough sleep. The schedules will be even more important for school-age children.
• Teach responsibility and independence. Do not overprotect them against all frustration or mistakes. Misunderstanding will help them build resilience and learn to overcome life’s challenges,
• Do not carry your children’s backpack, do not carry the homework they forgot, do not peel bananas or peel oranges if they can do it on their own (4-5 years). Instead of giving them the fish, teach them to fish.
• Teach them to wait and delay gratification.
• Provide opportunities for “boredom”, since boredom is the moment when creativity awakens. Do not feel responsible for always keeping children entertained.
• Do not use technology as a cure for boredom, nor offer it at the first second of inactivity.
• Avoid using technology during meals, in cars, restaurants, shopping centers. Use these moments as opportunities to socialize by training the brains to know how to work when they are in mode: “boredom”
• Help them create a “bottle of boredom” with activity ideas for when they are bored.
• Be emotionally available to connect with children and teach them self-regulation and social skills:
• Turn off the phones at night when children have to go to bed to avoid digital distractions.
• Become a regulator or emotional trainer for your children. Teach them to recognize and manage their own frustrations and anger.
• Teach them to greet, to take turns, to share without running out of anything, to say thank you and please, to acknowledge the error and apologize (do not force them), be a model of all those values you instill.
• Connect emotionally – smile, hug, kiss, tickle, read, dance, jump, play or crawl with them.
I thank you if you share it.
Article written by Dr. Luis Rojas Marcos Psychiatrist.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=669567043510720&id=653944098406348
The photo is from Deborah Emotional Therapy
https://www.facebook.com/deborahterapiaemocional/
Most f all they are deprived of belief in God and what is a sin and self control.
haha good one!
Why? Because ‘no God’ is a better foundational construct? Because you have proof there is no God? Because you can show us how the Darwinian inevitability associated with blind chance provides a meaningful purpose and foundation for morality & ethics? Why pray tell is this funny?
Simple. It is a set of lies, created by men, to attain, and maintain power and control, and to choose to whom that structure is deeded after their inevitable departure. Every single malady on this planet has its roots in religion: War, Slavery, Subjugation of Women, Genocide, Fratricide, Matricide, Patricide. All there.
I personally think 100 generations of this BS is ENOUGH.
Thankfully, so are many others.
Time for a Third Political party, with no socialism or religion involved.
I concur.
“Every single malady on this planet has its roots in religion: War, Slavery, Subjugation of Women, Genocide, Fratricide, Matricide, Patricide. All there.” – How do you explain the millions upon millions killed in Russia in the 20th century? What about China and the Great Leap Forward? What about North Korea? All non religious regimes, combined they have killed more people than any “religion”.
Throw all your money out in the street and watch all of the non believers gather it up!! In God we trust!!
The rhetoric from both sides is exhausting. Where do we find a canidate for this party?
Well said
I agree with you – religion is just having an “imaginary friend” to provide a totally false sense of security – a waste of precious time better spent on reality and trying to remedy the problems of our planet. Religion just confuses and compounds problems.. brainwashing is never justified !
The majority of people I know with serious mental health problems believe in some sort of god that will send them to hell for being human.
I have a firm belief in god but have also seen the damages caused by the use of religion as a weapon but dont see the humour. Never good to teach the fear of god more than the love that god gives.
You hang around the wrong peple.. that “statistic” couldn’t be further from the truth. Do your homework.
God is nonexistent as children and families fall apart. Gee perhaps it’s just a coincidence with all these self-entitled brats running around and children encouraged to rat on parents who attempt to discipline them. What a dream world of chaos (to justify totalitarianism) the Godless Marxists are trying to create.
God is existent. He created us all in His image and loves us so dearly.
I really don’t like the implication that my daughter’s ADHD has anything to do with my poor parenting. If that was the case, our son would have it too. The mere suggestion shows that the author of this article is not educated on the subject.
The author never said that it had to do with your parenting. What she did say was that researchers have given us increasingly alarming statistics on a sharp and steady increase in childhood mental illness that is now reaching epidemic proportions. She also said that statistics do not lie (I take exception to that one as you can get statistics to give you whatever outcome you want). Anyway, the 40% increase in diagnosed ADHD is just that, an increased diagnoses. Some of those statistics are right on, in fact all of them were. But nowhere in there does she say it is due to poor parenting!!! I have a brother, maybe 2, a son and a grandson who have ADHD. If you look into this you will find it has more to do with how the brain works.
Just to point out that Luis is a boy’s name
An increase in statistics is often a result of an increase in technology and the ability to diagnose. 50 years ago ADHD (and the like) wasn’t even something someone could be diagnosed with.
Be open minded and that is is not what she is saying all. She is not blaming your parenting skill because of the ADHD. Take ownership of anything , yet mature to accept the things that are out of your control. You probably are already doing everything she is saying about being a involved parent. Keep it up.
Whilst you no doubt may be an excellent parent, have a close look at the nutritional side of what they are consuming, that’s a start. That is just one piece of the jigsaw puzzle.
No memtion of taking care of your own kids instead of dumping them into day care as babies..
I believe in God and we are a faithful family, but it’s a fallacy that people who don’t believe in God or have a faith grounding are unethical, immoral, and uncaring. I know a number of atheist/agnostic parents who live highly purposeful, value-driven live sand are raising their children to be compassionate, good stewards, responsible citizens and great people. I can disagree with them on the purpose of our life on earth, on what will happen after we die, and my belief in God, but their lack of faith doesn’t automatically make them uncaring amoral people.
Our questions to Jeff did not indict him of being able to act morally or ethically. We asked whether he could defend his clear disdain for a God-centered worldview. I agree that anyone can recognize morality and even act morally. In fact such a reality is upheld in the Christian scriptures (Romans 2:14-15) Moral & ethical behavior (choices) in and of themselves are the “materials” of a system. Unless that system can be defined, described and upheld then the concepts of morality and ethics become bound to the subjective and autonomous. Such a foundation offers no balance, strength or stability. Cecilia Skudder was expressing that there IS a foundation for moral & ethical behavior that offers the requisite balance, strength and stability and it is the character & nature of God Himself. Having access to the materials of a system does not translate into having the system itself. This can only be known by those of whom the Apostle Paul could say “Christ is in you” in 2 Corinthians 13:5.
Well said
It’s religion that’s ruined the world. How many adults are now traumatised and struggling with parenting because of child sexual abuse. And it DOES occur in every church, and it IS swept under the carpet.
That is rediculous. People who think like you are e ones ruining the world.
People who spell like you are the ones ruining our language.
well said
Who invented religion?
The illustration for this article is just “confusing” why the “black face” ? Cloth 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
What’s the message with the image?
That was my thought exactly…. Why????!!!
same old polemical dialectics,
Theres nowt as queer as folks.
It is not about the church. It’s about the Author and Finisher of our faith. A personal relationship with God ably heals all wounds even the inner wounds of the heart.
How firmly you believe in Jesus, how much faith you have, and how much you pray do not make a difference in whether you will have a mental illness or not. Mental illness is not sin. ADHD is not sin.
HAAHAH !!! So you advocate BRANWASHING young children to believe utter garbage as a way of improving their mental wellbeing !!! You Are an abhorrent moron !
You mean like some of the priests in the Catholic Church???
To all the Cecelia’s,
Don’t immediately shrug off the solid advice by saying things like “It’s in God’s hands” or “the kids need God”. You have just been given excellent parenting tips by a professional ..you didn’t have to pay a therapist or go to a workshop. Instead of ignoring the subject matter and excusing yourself of parenting responsibilities, re read the educational advice. Believe in God if that is your belief, but also believe this, it is your job to be the best parent to your children as you can and that includes bettering yourself to give them a better life than the one that you had.
ROFLMAO
I think of one basic FACT.90% of the wealth of the world isowned by 10% of the population. Where does that placepeople in terms of pecking order,finance and Value. Nowhere!.Parents steal time to spend with their children.They have become Corporate Slaves and the downward spiral of same dished out to their children will be so much worse. A generation that will.not own their own homes,be able to spend time with their children or be able tomake a home a home. No Value on either
The above comment is very true but parents must have quality time with the family because the family is the core of the society. Inasmuch as the society today is not giving us the comfort to do so but “what is worth doing is worth doing well”.
I believe a lot of what is said in the arrival however society has changed so much. I am a teacher and a parent so have seen things from ‘both sides’ if you like. I see all kinds of different parents. Some of them are like me- they have a family where both parents work full-time in stressful jobs (no teachers do not start at 9 and finish at 3). Once I have finished work and picked them up from their school at 5.15 we are often not home until just before 6. I do by best but actually I don’t then get them to help with the cooking, have an hour outside, play a board, read, do Homework, chat about our day, bath and bed! That would be impossible!
Is that a picture of Irish provos raising a bomb?
Yes I was wondering about that…. or so maybe a pair of aliens raising a little Tommy Copper in a fez. Possible candidate for ‘most ridiculous visual metaphor of the year’ award.
Great ideas. And stop having you babies injected with so many toxins that are making big pharma mega rich. Almost every vaccine contains an aluminium adjuvant, which is a known neurotoxin, to stimulate the immune system. They say poison is in the dose. Well, when the vaccine doses have increased from 24 to 72 in the last several decades, they’re right. And you wonder why the kids now suffer from so many illnesses. It’s not a wonder when you take the time to observe the realities of what they are being put through.
Wise comment
Would be keen if you had a reblog button on your WordPress blog. But, no worries, i’ll copy and paste the link, then add your information. thanks for sharing this article.
Lets be honest, we’re also raising a generation of infants and toddlers who are by far spending more of their waking hours in the care of other people rather than being cared for by their parents. And how is a parent expected to provide the above when they’re spending less than three hours a day with their child? Throw in a lack of touch through the combo of bottle feeding / propping, sleep training and daycare during the first thousand days and it’s no wonder children and adolescents are developing issues.
That is the best analysis I’ve seen. It is connection, simply put. When children feel connected and loved, they can thrive. When one of those are missing, they cannot. Children will become anxious and misbehave when there is something lacking from parents. Unfortunately, some label this as ADHD. In reality, they just need time with mom or dad. Many children feel loved and connected when in quality care of whomever, knowing Mom or Dad will be there to get them routinely. They need to be able to count on it.
I agree. I work at a preschool and we have parents that drop off their kids at 6:30am and pick up at 6:30pm or parents who spend an hour in their car in the phone before they actually pick up their child. That really sucks because the kids see their parents car and want to go home. I prefer a home day care for my little one. They are smaller so they get more of a loving one on one relationship. I was lucky enough to find a wife/husband run daycare so my son can see that type of relationship when he’s not with us at home.
I’m surprised that an educated person would lay the blame for mental health at the parents’ door. Don’t you think dealing with children with these type of difficulties is challenging enough. Do you know the levels of guilt experienced by the parents every day. The rivers of tears spent seeing your child suffer. The feeling of failure. The feeling of inadequacy. The pain. The heartache. The time, energy and money spend to help and support. I can’t even suggest that you walk a mile in our shoes, because they are not blood of your blood and you will remain a judgmental prude. Nobody wants to deliberately inflict this level of suffering on their children.
I think your missing the point, it’s not so much about blame and looking for then answer to who’s at fault. It’s a fact that adult depression and anxiety and addiction are results of the ACEs (adverse childhood experiences). Which, by the way, occur from primary caregivers….namely parents. No one is looking to fault anyhow here, it’s just a trendy article looking at things on a larger scale and from a generational perspective about how times have evolved with some great recommendations about what any parent can do about it to make a difference. No fault finding, just suggestions. Not required, just offered. As a parent, I personally found this article helpful to check in with myself and remind myself of the boundaries my child needs and the ideas of where we can put our time and energy. My child may end up a depressed adult but I will be able to sleep at night knowing that at every corner I read and learned and studied how to be the best parent I know how to be.
Yes!!!
I’m thankful for this article, it gives me awareness, guilt is not necessary bad, it helps look into my self and decide to change Or justify my circumstances. The level of stress that we carry is dumped on our children. Everyone knows that the virtual babysitter (video games) is bad for their health, but to keep the child entertained and out of our hair when we are overwhelmed, stressed, tired, a free babysitter sure sounds nice.
The truth hurts. Yes sometimes parents are to blame. Are we not? We are the one that make these choices and allow what’s acceptable in our home. This article was about facts and a suggestion on how can we improve the standard. It turned into an epidemic as a social norm one family at a time giving our children cellphones at age 5 (or 6,7-16) when they started school because we are so afraid of the what if’s.
I didn’t get a cell phone until I was in my 20’s. Who in our generation their parent gave them a cell phone in their youth and how did we survive?
To blame the Dr. because he’s sounding the warning bell is like blaming the brandade for trying to stop the bleeding.
At the end, is us who are in control of our lives. We don’t have to like the facts, that’s our choice, we can blame the video game, or the Dr. truth is that we make those choices too. There’s a time and a season for everything, perhaps we can choose to change the “New normal” that’s creating dysfunctional Adults.
I’m for one I’m guilty. Thank you for this article. Is a look in the mirror. Is time to get out of my “Comfortable” state.
I thought the same thing, and I speak from professional experience. Many kids have crappy parents, rough childhoods, and suffer none of the emotional maladies mentioned. A psychiatrist medicates for chemical imbalances, so where do they get off parent blaming? Many, many mental illnesses have a genetic component and/or a biological cause. No matter how great a parent you are, you cannot prevent a body’s betrayal, only manage and treat it. This author can’t be helping their clients if they are busy parent blaming and shaming. The parenting practices they suggest are not original or ground breaking thoughts. Stats don’t lie? This is how stats lie- People manipulate stats and interpret them for their own purposes. Doctors get their degrees, start practicing and never read another journal article or update their knowledge to current standards. This reads like someone took a time machine from the 50’s and made judgements with very little context or understanding of the current culture.
parents and teachers have forgotten a long time ago, that LOVE is a 10-letter word – DISCIPLiNE.
Nobody disciplines children the way its supposed to be done today. Discipline must be enforced!
Then children grow up respecting parents and unshakeable boundaries parents set for protecting and raising them.
Oh ya great idea. Lets start beating our children again. That worked right? It definitely doesn’t cause PTSD, along with other mental and emotional disorders. Discipline is important but not physical or mental violence.
I do enjoy a good comments page. A few people do seem to have mistaken the article for one about whether God exists though. Anyway aside from the totally ridiculous image at the top, any parent reading this will see most of the points as common sense. But ignoring the myriad of societal factors that influence the mental health of kids and teenagers kind of implies that all the negative trends are down to poor parenting. It also fails to point out that many parents basically have little ability to control some of this stuff (an hour outside doing bird watching for a city dwelling couple who both work might be a tall order). Basically its a good bit of advice but I don’t like the less than subtle subtext.
Citation required….
New material for web consumers: “Great source of statistics. 100% organic and fact free. Tasty and delicious. Make this and our other articles part of your drama-filled diet.”
“Statistics don’t lie.” Hahahahahahahahahaha! Ever heard the phrase, “lies, damn lies, and statistics”?
Well said. Intentional Parenting. Great reminder of the fundamentals. While I never resort to the “digital nanny” approach, I’ve only recently learned that I should incorporate boredom into my parenting arsenal. Sounds lazy, but I feel like its worth trying (in moderation of course).
Wow you must be missing the point of what this person is saying.
All the new parents out there were raised by other parents who were so coddled! You get mad at what this person is saying because you are doing everything they say don’t. If you grow up poor like myself you don’t have a choice but to learn how to be creative. When your children grow up poor they also have to learn to be creative! Because guess what! You can’t afford the iPhone or iPad or laptop. And you have no other choice but to socialize and be creative and play outdoors. When you live in Alaska and it’s to expensive to fly out of state so you drive to go camping and fishing and hiking. If everyone just lived as if they were poor our kids wouldn’t be so damn spoiled and actually learn to think for themselves! We wouldn’t have mental issues. They wouldn’t be able to see on social media that someone doesn’t like their post.
I think this article was a very good reminder of what most of us know deep down we should be doing with and for our children. I think the parents bickering is a good example of the breakdown of society. This was a positive article to be better parents. Let’s try to be better “neighbors” too. Lift each other up, love one another, and try to make this world a better place. Please don’t bother to comment… I spent too much time already reading a few of the comments and I’d like to spend future time focusing on implementing or re-implementing some of these good ideas with my son.
☮️💖✝️
Yes!!
I see it way too often.
Parents giving their children all they ask for.
No responsibilities, no accountability, no boundaries, and no appreciation of what they have.
Then they wonder why they can’t keep jobs because they can’t follow rules that they think don’t apply to them.
I agree with all of this, except shoving boredom on kids. During my entire life there has never been a single constructive moment of boredom. That’s the time when the dark thoughts take over, bad ideas are formed, and follow through planned.
Also electronics are not bad, especially when used to fuel creativity and discovery. I’m not saying to throw YouTube at a toddler who’s whining. Instead, be in control of the apps and limits in children’s devices. Know what they are doing and help shape their digital future.
The word father is missing and that is what is missing in the home.
I honestly agree with this article
It’s sad to here about it, but this article is right, our generation makes a lot of mistakes
I think our generation is making alot of this world even more worse. The things we do just like our video games and videos are taking over our lifes, One day we will grow up and say to ourselfes that we didnt do anything on our childhood. Our kids will be even worse, they wont know what a bike is or playing outside with our friends. The end thank you for reading! have a great day.
A bottle of boredom, filled with ideas of things to do when bored. I find this be a great idea, because it limits electronics time, as well as keeps kids entertained.
Teach them politeness. I thought that was something everyone was raised being taught. Apparently though, most kids lack that aspect of life.
Smile, hug, kiss, tickle, read, dance, jump, play or crawl with them. This shows how little activity and company can help the development of a children’s mind. What parents do to help develop their kids mind does not have to be complicated to be able to help.
Restrict what you give them to what they NEED, not what they want. Most kids are filthy spoiled. Their parents get them whatever they want whenever they want. This article reflects that parents have to be stricter about what they give their children. They shouldn’t get them everything they want. Instead, they should mainly stick to the essentials.
Spend one hour of outdoor activity, not necessarily athletic, just the outside air. People think when they get told to go outside, it’s for physical activity. Although it does sometimes, it mainly means just to go outside and get some fresh air. This help stimulate the brain, instead of staring at a computer/phone screen all day.
I find this article to be sort of depressif. It talks about very delicate subjects, such as child suicide and other similar things. It goes to show that mental illnesses or problems have a much higher toll in the last years. I believe this is due to technology evolving and parents becoming more loose. Depression is becoming a very common thing, and that is a very bad sign for our world. Bullying and discrimination is a serious issue.
Provide nutritious food and limit junk food. I thought everybody would be aware to this. This is bad for your health, and a bad diet, such as junk food, causes health issues, physical problems, etc.
I like the fact that they explane very well that kids today need more playing outside and less inside
Emotional interconnection between parents and children is in a crisis. I had the same problem. And I want to share with you how I fixed that… so far…
For me it started 4 years ago, when I took, by force, a device from the hands of my 7 years old son, and slammed the device into the wall. Can you imagine how desperate I was? But also, that was the turning point for me. I was able to see it clearly, that core problem was that:
– I lacked emotional connection with my son;
– I had wrong reactions to undesirable behavior of my child;
– I had difficulties to compete with video games;
– I was alone with challenges to be an effective parent;
– I had no enough time to be emotionally accessible parent;
– I had no idea what parentship was.
Btw, when I say “I” I mean “WE” me and my wife.
So my solution to these problems was:
Parentship is a technique of relationship – and I took trainings from professionals – I learned many effective tools;
I improved my emotional connection with my son by starting to talk in the same language – game language.
Game language does not necessarily imply video games (yes, I like them and play them with my son also). Game language is an approach to motivate children to do things, to achieve goals, to finish missions like ‘Morning and pre-sleep routine’, ‘Steps per day’, ‘Doing homework without reminders’, ‘Being more self-organized’, ‘Balance screen time’, etc. As every game has rewards after achievements, our game also has rewards and it is our happiness i.e. expression of our happy emotions, because we are happy indeed. Looking at the happy parent, who expresses his / her emotions is the best motivational thing for a child. Additionally we are giving SUNs, symbols of happiness, which are being accumulated and after some time (e.g. twice per year) they are transformed into:
– One gift he wants – e.g. LEGO Ninjago;
– One wish – e.g. find time to play with him;
– And one gift I want to give him;
Also we are using the digital world as an emotion exchange tool all day long, even though I’m not at home, we are exchanging emotions and information using 20 sec. short videos (sometime funny videos with effects);
Yes, iPhones, iPads, internet, electronics – all these are inevitable today, they are part of our lives, and we cannot cancel them – instead we can reframe our experience, i.e. use devices for goodwill.
Today, me and my son are responsible friends, we have deep emotional connection, he has improved grades at school, he tries to balance screen time, he has improved results in contests of Mathematics up to top ranks, and he is a healthy, happy kid. And YES, sometimes we are having difficulties again, but now we know how to deal with them.
Parentship is a technique of relationship, it is a set of tools, and also its about love and responsibility, mentorship and being exemplary, and so many other things at the same time.
Listen, understand and deepen your knowledge of being a better parent.
I want to give thankful feedback to the author of this article, because everything I have learned is listed here briefly.
I recommend it!
Thank you.
Can you provide a citation that provides empirical evidence for a link between ADHD and any of the listed “tragedies”?