Can I have a pp please……. I don’t really know I why I’m writing this but I …

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Can I have a pp please…….
I don’t really know I why I’m writing this but I just feel like I need get a lot of my chest.. I have been with my partner for 11 years we have 3 kids together… it as always since I fell pregnant with my first, on and off been a violent relationship… but when there was no violence he was emotionally abusive and controlling… I tried to end it last year, well I did and I met another lad who treated me really nice and made me happy, but my then ex was around a lot and still controlling me a lot, he basically in my mind made me get back with him, with emotional black mail and using the kids against me.. I feel very weak when I’m with him and I just gave up after having panick attacks all day trying to find him I gave up and just agreed… I how ever and I know it’s wrong didn’t cut contact with the other lad.. he just made me feel so good and happy and I knew it was wrong but I just couldn’t do it… any way my kids dad found out and I thought that would be it that he would finish me and move on… he didn’t he said he would give me another chance he took my phone and messaged this other lad and said it was over etc… I didn’t feel brace enough to stand up and say that isn’t what I wanted… I had to end my job because then obviously the controlling behaviour got worse… he is now going with girls behind my back and I know I’ve no right to complain but I have told him that if he wants to be with their other girl fair enough leave me and be with her but he won’t… I’m too scared to leave him myself he says he will take the kids off me and now uses what I did as another thing against me…. I really don’t know what to do like I said I’m scared to make the first move myself and have tried encouraging him to do it but for some reason he keeps saying he wants to be with me…. I just feel trapped
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