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Can I have a pp please?🙏
I have to go to a school trip for my daughter on Friday; i keep my circle small I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety bad on and of up and down 10 years since my only sister died, I used to be so out going would talk to anyone have the joke used to be kinda like the class clown, but I’m a shell of my self since I got diagnosed, and I handle myself well most days, but my point is I like to Collect my daughter get her home and be safe, I hate the thought of having to go on a bus full of happy mams gossiping laughing taking about nails or what ever, but I don’t want my kid missing out she loves all her friends but it’s like my anxiety is gonna effect her in the future if I don’t stop this: all I wanna do is go straight home wen I pick her up on school days, today is only Monday and I’m dreading the trip Friday everyone so happy and can’t wait why am I dreading it, it’s like who will I talk to who will I sit with, (sounds childish I know) and I have plenty I know who I can sit with but I just don’t want to I hate small talk, people wanna know a lot of ur business, I don’t even no why I’m hoping from this post. What is wrong with me, why can’t I ever just plan something and look forward to it knowing it’s good for me and her, but all I do is go over and over everything I always feel like not a real mam anyway and feel they all talk about it ( I took on my brothers baby wen she was 6 months old she’s now 4 I.m her legal Gardian) but as much as everyone assures me I’m doing great my lg is blessed to have me, we saved each other in my eyes! I never gave birth to my own baby I acc feel like a laughing stock somtimes a nanny or a babysitter to people on the out side, she has called me mammy from wen she could talk and even our doctor calls me by my name wen addressing me in front of my lg I had to say no I’m mammy to her it’s like people find it hard to say I’m a mammy because I never gave birth I feel horrible; not good enough: don’t think il ever have my own I’m 30 now; I just can’t see it in future, my mum and dad moved abroad they used to be and still are my back bone but over the phone is so diff now; I’m sad lonely confused feel like everyone talking, sorry for the rant can somebody please tell me to give it over or any tips on how I should be feeling? Tia xx
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