Can I have a private post please, I dont really know where to start or how to sa…
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Can I have a private post please, I dont really know where to start or how to say it but before i start please know id never ever harm my daughter in anyway she really is my everything. My daughter is 11 months and she cries every single nap time and every single night apart from maybe 1 a week where she’ll drink her bottle and nod off, she can scream crying for hours weather im in the room or not, but after around 20 minutes her cry makes me blood boil, sometimes i even feel like hurting myself just to get rid of some of the anger i used to self harm but havent since around a week before i found out i was pregnant (sept 2015).. it sounds terrible and im ashamed to even say it but i shouted at my daughter today to shut the fuck up after listening to her scream for an hour .. she got a fright and started crying more, i never swear around her and never ever shouted at her before and i feel terrible.. but these feelings keep getting worse and worse.. i love her more than life itself but when she cries like that i honestly want to close to door and turn the baby monitor off until she goes to sleep, i never have of course i mean i make it downstairs before i run back up feeling guilty that shes crying alone .. i dont know what to do.. i went to the doctor and told her i felt like hurting myself and feel low since i had my daughter but didnt tell her it was my daughters crying making me feel this way (I have suffered with depression and anxiety since 12, im now 18) my doctor offered me medication and when i said i didnt want it she told me the waiting list for couciling was so long there’d be no point putting me on it .. im afraid to tell anyone in my family incase they think i might hurt my daughter.. im so so so sorry for the really long post i just dont know what to do anymore.. i have so much stress on me now with other things too but this one thing just makes me feel so so horrible, mostly for feeling that way about my daughter, is this normal? i dont know what to do.. and honestly i dont know how much longer i can hide and resist acting on these feelings for..ive had my period for three weeks now so im probably extra hormonal but i have felt this way for months now , im a stay at home mom hoping to go back to school in sept but i even feel too guilty to do that.. its like a never ending cycle of feeling guilty and angry and wanting a break to feeling guilty for taking a break..
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