Can i have a private post please. The past few weeks i have been struggling with…

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Can i have a private post please. The past few weeks i have been struggling with guilt with my eldest, i have suffered with depression for years and recently i have been remebering things that are not so great, the shouting the snapping sleeping all the time. I feel like i have missed so much now he at an age where he can go out by himself has lots of friends so always with them. I feel he hhad a lonely few years and i should have done more wuth him the guilt is crippling i cant breath. He tells me he loves me gives me kisses and hugs so i know he doesnt hate me but what if he remebers i wasnt so good, i wish i was the fun mum the happy mum but i wasnt and now its too late, i dont know what im asking from this post i just had to get it out as have no one else to tell, sorry about the grammer and no negative comments please x
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