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Can I have a private post please?
I really need some advice on what to do and I know this is going to be a long post but please bare with me.
My baby is 5 and a half months old and has CMPA, reflux and colic. He’s been teething since 9 weeks old, had flu at 3 weeks and has a cold at the moment. He has been such an unhappy baby from the start and I am seriously struggling to hold everything together. I live with my partner, but he works so many hours that I barely see him. I’m practically raising our baby by myself. I always wanted a child when I was younger and was told I’d never have them, so when I fell pregnant I thought it was a miracle. But I’ve spent everyday since my baby was born, feeling lonely, exhausted and depressed. My baby spends almost all day every day, winging and crying. We barely go out because of his crying.. I’m too embarrassed to go to any mum and baby groups because I know he will just cry the whole time. He still doesn’t sleep for very long at night and sometimes wakes up continuously throughout the night. During the day, he will be tired, but he resists his naps. Everything is a struggle with him. Feeding him is a constant struggle, he never wants to drink his milk. It’s a constant fight to get enough milk into him. Getting him dressed is a struggle because he kicks and screams. He likes baths… but once he’s out, it’s a fight to get him dried and dressed. It’s a struggle to get him to sleep.. I feel like I’m fighting all day every day. Everything is a struggle with my baby and I feel so down about it. I can’t sleep anymore, I can’t eat, I can’t bathe. I can’t even pee without him crying, screaming or moaning. I love him more than anything else in the world, but I’m not enjoying being his mum. I just don’t feel like me anymore. I knew once I had him that things would be tough but I didn’t expect to feel this low. The more I talk about how depressed I feel, the more I feel like a bad mother. He’s my everything, but I’m struggling to hold it together. I’m not speaking to the doctor about this because I have a history of depression and self harmed when I was very very young. I know I would be judged and I don’t want anyone taking my baby from me. Everyone keeps saying it’ll get better, but nearly 6 months later and I’m yet to see that. Please.. Someone tell me that they understand how I feel? Does it actually get better? I really don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading this until the end.
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