Can i please have a pp Sorry this might be a long post. Ive been with my husba…

[ad_1]
Can i please have a pp

Sorry this might be a long post.

Ive been with my husband for almost 4 years. I have 2 children from a previous relationship and he has children from a previous marriage. Whilst with his ex wife he had a vasectomy which he soon regretted after he discovered she was having an affair which then ended their marriage.

After a year or so we met hit it off and within a year was married. He then shortly after lost his job due to disability with his spine and became very depressed pushing everyone away including myself.
After 6 months of barely talking and when we did arguing we had drifted so far apart that i leaned towards someone else who showed interest and made me feel good. I completely know how wrong this was however i felt so terribly alone and miserable. It turned into a short affair which i ended and confessed to my husband. I expected him to walk but he didnt he wanted to seek councilling and work on our marriage.
For a further 6 months however it felt as though i was on house arrest and when i did eventually go out the house without him he made requests for pictures to prove where i was and constant messages with updates i felt so trapped and smothered that i chose to leave the marriage we spent 3 weeks apart and during that time i went back to affair guy not for sex but more comfort. I felt he didnt judge me and that filled me with some comfort.

Husband and i reconciled and have since (1 & a half years) been so up and down and recently have split twice the most recent being currently.
He said he has been miserable as he wanted a child with me but felt not enough of a man since the vasectomy we have looked into many other alternative treatments as funds didnt quite stretch the 3 grand for the 50/50 chance reversal. We finally came to the decision to use a donor and up until today had arranged for it all to go ahead next week. Then out the blue this morning he tells me he doesnt feel like he will love the child if it works and that if i go ahead with the proceedure he can not be around me.

He has since packed all his stuff and left saying he knows its what i want and he cant support me as it wouldnt be his and he would feel shunted out. My head is all over the place im fully aware that a baby never solves anything and that our relationship was on the rocks what i dont know is how to move forward.

With everything thats gobe on do i give up and except my marriage is over or do i fight to fix it. Hes a wonderful man and father and we do love each other but we also seem to drain each other and i find myself shutting away from him alot not going out or being the independent person i used to be. He also does the same and i wonder if maybe love just isnt enough in this case? Please no hateful comments im fully aware of my mistake with the affair im still carrying the guilt and probably will for a long time.
Thanks
[ad_2]

Source