Can I please have a private post I need people who have been in these situations…

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Can I please have a private post I need people who have been in these situations advice guidance anything, I’m at breaking point I feel like iv completely had enough of my life it’s a long one so I apologise. I was adopted when I was two I grew up picturing my mother as a saint a big mistake thought everything would be ok I even didn’t bond with my adoptive parents due to this (my mum has told me) when I was 13 I got told my mother had died she was a alchy I learnt it all she abandoned me in a mother and care baby unit for 14 days I was so upset they had to put me in a bath to calm me down at 2am sometimes, this news hit me hard and then my mum got cancer I rebeled and got kicked out my mum’s at 13 and moved in with family, I met my kids dad at 18 and he quickly turned abusive he beat me badly and even phoned a ambulance because he thought he’d done real damage and couldn’t wake me up, I was 6 months pregnant because of this social services got involved I thought I loved him and went back and fel pregnant soon as our daughter was born he kicked me out our joint house and took my car and money told social my mum was a drug user so they had to safe guard my daughter and not let me move in with her and left me homeless he then told them I was pregnant and begging him back social informed me because of this they were takin my daughter I’d not listend got myself pregnant and back at square 1, I didn’t have a home any support and was pregnant I had to make the heartbreaking decision to terminate, the social had hinted it was for the best and I felt backed into a corner little did i no he got his new girlfriend pregnant to and there baby was born when my baby was due and they rubbed it in my face. My. Baby was due on the 1st of July there baby was born on the 15 two days after my adoptive dad died suddenly and it destroyed me, I started drinking heavily and tried to go in search of my biological dad only to find he had passed two years prior, again i hit the rocks and stupidly got back involved with my daughters dad he again turned very abusive used to spit in my face when hed finished doin what he wantsd like the extra kick in the teath but one day he’d beat me black and blue then told me he was having sex I begged him to stop and he sexualy assaulted me, I ran of to a homeless hostel two days after, it took me along time to pull myself together then I met the man of my dreams he was amazing completely gorgeous spoilt me rotten treated me like a princess and I fell pregnant with my first boy, I was so happy he proposed and we started planning the wedding, when I was 34 weeks I went to hospital in labour and my son had passed away I didn’t get it I had to give birth to him I kept thinking it was a mistake he’d come out OK, he didn’t he was gone it completely tore me and my partner apart, I lost part of me and I just wasn’t the same I felt like I got my perfect life my happy ending the family I always dreamed of and it was gone in 5 words, me and my partner hit the rocks I tried my hardest to keep it together I loved him so much I fell pregnant he didn’t want It it put him of I understand that and my once loving partner turned cold and sour to me it wax argument after argument and then he walked out 4 years together and he just went iv felt so lonely since and the other day I spoke to his mum she’s told me he’s not felt the same way towards me since our son passed 3 years ago and he loves me for our kids but not in love with me, I have no one were I live since I ran off and I havnt spoken to him properly or seen him for 2 weeks I messeged him tonight and he’s told me he hasn’t been happy for ages and he doesn’t want it anymore and it’s been since our son passed I don’t get how it’s fair to have everything lose my baby then lose the love of my life to, I was trying to keep it together but iv found myself feeling incredibly lonely and breaking at the littlest thing s like my eldest daughter tellin me her teacher had a dig at my parenting and feeling like a shit mum, I feel like since day one Iv not been allowed happiness and I don’t no how ur supposed to carry on when you fail as a mother and loose everything eventually anyway I’m sorry for the post I just don’t no what to do anymore
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