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Could I have a private post please My mum had a bad childhood and says she has n…

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Could I have a private post please
My mum had a bad childhood and says she has never been maternal. She always acts like it’s a chore to spend anytime with my children 2&3, sometimes I ask her to help me but she’s always very begrudging, my husband thinks we should stop asking, I don’t have anyone else in emergencies to help me. I’m worried I’m also not very maternal, I find it very hard to enjoy playing with my children, I don’t want them to feel the same way about me as I do about my mum, tbh I feel hurt, I feel we are a burden. Is there more enjoying things I can do with them, I suffer with anxiety so don’t take them to many places as it’s hard with a 2 and 3 year old. How do I stop myself becoming my mum 😭😭 any advice
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