Dear Children, Husbands and Dogs
Dear Children, Husband and Dogs,
For five weeks I have refereed fights, I have produced three square meals a day, often at different times because you are all lazy bastards who can’t be got out your pits and so have breakfast at varying hours meaning I am basically running a twenty fucking four hour canteen.
I have hoovered and scrubbed shit stained toilets and wiped the toothpaste off sinks that you cannot be bothered to rinse away, because frankly why would you- apparently you can’t even be arsed to actually brush your teeth and think merely inserting a toothbrush covered in half a tube of toothpaste into your mouth and immediately spitting it over the sink is sufficient.
I have queued at supermarkets to buy food for you to ‘not really fancy’ while you wonder aloud if it would be too much trouble to just get some nice fish or something. No, not that sort of fish. Maybe just some cod or scallops or something? Or for you to turn your nose up at it because of bits, and ‘why can’t we just have burgers again?’.
And that’s all annoying, but I can deal with that- the real problem is that beyond all the practical stuff, I have tried, I have really really tried, to put on a bright and brave and cheery face for you all, to make you all feel like it’s going to be ok, however worried or scared I am, even when I’ve just been crying in the bastarding cupboard because I’m SO fucking scared about everything right now, even though I am luckier than most people. Even though we are all healthy, and if I think this is hard, there are so many more people for whom it’s far harder, who are working much harder, including all the amazing key workers (THANK YOU). But I am scared, and I think it’s ok to be scared and finding it hard. But I pretend I don’t for you, because that’s what mothers do, isn’t it? It is our job to make everything ok for everyone else.
But today, today I am done. I can’t do this anymore just right now, this making everything ok for everyone. I just need a few hours off. A few hours not cooking and cleaning and smiling and being PollyFuckingAnna about every little thing that goes wrong to keep everyone else’s spirits up.
And so, if you need me, I am getting utterly spangled on white wine in the sunshine, so kindly fuck off, give me these few hours peace to try and recharge my own batteries, and take advantage of the fact that today it is fine to have crisps for dinner. Maybe have an apple too. I haven’t completed abandoned my parental responsibilities.
And anyone else, who is also feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated right now, like they don’t know how much longer they can do this for, like they can’t breath sometimes and need to scream- I think that’s ok, and I think we all need some time out. Be kind to yourself, take some time for yourself if you can, stop trying to solve everyone’s problems and make everything ok for them, just for a few hours, because we are no use to our families if we don’t look after ourselves too.*
Love Mummy,
*Other recreational activities are available apart from white wine.
