Having a baby is meant to be the best feeling in the world

I remember been told this whilst pregnant with Riley 5 years ago. He was my first baby and like all first time mummy’s I was overjoyed that it was finally happening to me.

 I was going to be the best mum in the world with so many intentions, ‘what I will and won’t be doing ‘ I was so certain I was so in control … I mean come one i had 3 nieces and 1 nephew, most friends had small children and babies, I had this in the bag ….easy peasy!!
2nd march 2012 at Saturday 3.49am my beautiful Riley p arrived at 36 weeks. He was the most precious beautiful thing I had ever seen and couldn’t quite believe I had pushed him out and he was mine… I mean really??? Within 3 hours of him been born he’d been changed twice (bearing in mind it took me about 10mins per outfit as he looked so small I didn’t want to break his little chicken legs ).laid there like a skinned rabbit I noticed he was uncomfortable.

I was no expert mummy just yet but this boy laid here projectile vomiting every bottle I had given him. Reassured by midwifes he was fine, just keep him full of milk to get his sugars right up so we can go home. 
Yes home, couldn’t wait to get home, my adrenaline was pumping, and my boy was beautiful. My whole life had begun, the happiest day of my life soon turned into me living a life that was very different to what I was told or I’d seen.
REFLUX!!! Yes fuck you reflux!! 
It took away the first year of what should have been the happiest year of my life. It made my boy miserable, but strong, and days tried to smile through it like me. It made his mummy and daddy question our parental skills and our love for one another !!! It scared me like nothing has ever scared me before. 

My boy was poked prodded and told he had colic, 

I was looked down on, made to feel I was making most of it up and told I was a fussy mum. I couldn’t just go out incase he was in pain and screamed the place down and when I did go out I soon left in tears before anyone saw me and asked

 “is he ok”

“Don’t worry it’s only abit of sick, all babies are sick ”

“Give him some infacol ”

“Have you tried a different teat”

“Aww yeah my baby was a little sicky too”

“He’ll be fine he’ll grow out of it by the time he’s 12mths old” 

These now still make me want to rip out their eyes!! 

So it wasn’t the happiest year by far, and swore I couldn’t ever go through it again. He was given medicines special milk and I looked like I had walked through a rave with everyone taking a whitey I was that covered in sick 24/7. 
6months old unexpectedly we found out Archie p was going to be arriving with us in 9mths time.. 

“What?? “I said to the nurse?? “No no no not a chance, nope I think your mistaken ”
Fears all the way through of going through it all again were getting stronger everyday. I’d speak to other reflux mummy’s and some would say you’ll be fine you’ve done it before but I’m sure he will be ok… little did we know Archie was a whole new ball game, bringing new and even worse obstacles for us to tackle. REFLUX, ALLERGIES, TONGUETIE . This boy was trouble from the word go. My life was a complete whirlwind. 

I forgot who I was, my life was finding a solution to help my boys, my life, was making my boys happy and totally neglected myself and Alex. 

Only 15mth age gap I lived for coffee and Alex coming home from work to take over so I could go outside to let out a scream i had kept in all day. I wanted so much to be like other mums, happy , playing , play dates but instead my pjs and CBeebies were what I rocked at 33!! 
Now , aged 4 and nearly 3 they are the strongest most happiest boys ever. Ballbags at times ??? Absolutely!! But strong ballbags with amazing hearts. And I love them with my life for making me into this strong mummy that can take on anything.

 So thankyou REFLUX and whatever else you threw at us, you pushed my family together when It could so easily have been ripped apart. 
So NO, having my babies wasn’t the best feeling in the world, looking at how they’ve grown IS 😘

Written for Mums advice by https://www.facebook.com/itsallaboityoukids/

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