Hey, could I have a post please? I have a 6 year old little boy. Long story shor…
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Hey, could I have a post please?
I have a 6 year old little boy. Long story short, I became pregnant when I was 14, my boyfriend at the time was 17. So we were both very young. His dad left me & moved 400miles away to Scotland when I found out I was pregnant. He would send me awful abusive messages but again, we were young & he was immature. Just before my little boy was born he moved back to England. He saw him once at 6 weeks old & once at 9 months old. All his own choice. He messaged me back in 2014 to ask how he was, I sent some pictures back & that was it. My little boy asks about him more as he’s gotten older & he knows he’s different to other children because he doesn’t see his dad & has no memories of him & doesn’t know what he looks like. Last week, totally out of the blue, my mum suggested making contact with his dad to see if he would be interested in speaking to my son. Initially I didn’t think it was a good idea. I have no idea what this man is like now, where he lives, if he works or not, his personality etc. But now I don’t know. Should I make contact & see if maybe he wasn’t to speak on the phone to my son? I just don’t want my son to get hurt. I really don’t know what’s for the best. Opinions/thoughts or experiences would be much appreciated!
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I personally don’t think he deserves it. If he isn’t interested you can’t make him.
However I don’t know my dad and it hurts!
So maybe a little message every year or so just so you know where he is and his contact details. Then when your child is 16-18 you have a way to find him. Xx
When I was little my dad was never around to this day he’s still not around and I’m 22 when I was young my dad kept asking my mum to see me so my mum wanted to make sure he will stick around any way one day we went park she never introduced me to him as this is your dad she told me his name and said is it okay if he comes along then the next thing he went again so my mum was happy she didn’t tell me he was my dad I was about your sons age she then saw me at 14 years old as I wanted to see what he was like then a week after I was 18 then last October I have 2 kids aged 1 and a nearly 3 year old so my son was 10 months old I told him before he went back to Blackpool don’t u go in and out my kids life’s like u have mine and I have t seen him since but glad he’s gone iv done perfectly well in my life do what you thinks best Hun xxx
I wouldn’t chase after him. ….He knows where you are and how to get in contact ….He is aware he has a child and if he can’t be bothered than that’s on him….your child asking about him …tell him what do know in a positive way and leave it at that ….
I’ve been there my mum found my real dad and he rang when only I was there.i know my mum thought she was doing the right thing but I wish she would of spoken to me first I wasn’t ready to talk to him at that point ask your son what he would like to do
My son’s dad disappeared from age 1-3. My son used to call my friends (male) daddy because their kids would and he didn’t know any different. It broke my heart. He used to say he would wish for a dad. One day his dad knocked on the door out of the blue. I introduced him as my friend and we went to the park together I til I felt confident enough to step back.
I saw someone suggest this on another post regarding grandparents but if you could find him, send a card with a photo and contact details. Leaves the ball in his court. If hes worth it he will respond and if not, probably best for your lil guy. X
When I was young I asked my Mam why I didn’t have a dad, my Mam explained that I did have dad just sometimes mammys and daddy’s don’t always stay friends I accepted that but was always told if I wanted to see my dad I could. I never did I was never interested knowing I had a family that loves me then finally on my 18th birthday he sent me a Facebook message asking if I was my mums daughter I didn’t reply. Let your little boy decide but at the end of the day he’ll always have you and sometimes it take a brilliant mum to play a Mam and a dad x
I would but not let ur son know unless the father agreed. That way when ur child is older they can see u tried to give his dad a chance to b a part of his life I wouldn’t keep that possibility from my child.
I let my sons dad back into his life on 3 occasions. 1st time he seen him for a month. 2nd time about 2 month and 3rd time for 2 years before he text to say he didn’t want to see him anymore and just wanted to see his younger son he had to someone else. Broke my heart having to lie to my son and tell him I didn’t want him to see his dad anymore. It’s been a year now and my son was questioning things and I told him the truth. He’s only 7 and my partner has raised him since he was 1 and he said it’s OK cos he still has a dad. I still blame myself for allowing my son to get hurt again but I was trying to do what I thought was best at the time. I was wrong and made a promise to myself that no matter what he will never have the opportunity to upset my boy again. It maybe different in your case but think long and hard. It’s better to miss something he’s never met than to miss someone he has grown to love x
My ex left me and my son when he was 4, 5 years ago, when he left he deleted all of his pictures and everything that can be remindec of him. I have never denied my son his right to see his father or even talk with him on phone. When he starts to miss him, he becomes very attention needy and hyper about everything. And sometimes gets very naughty, so I told my ex that they should talk together and plan some weekends, or he will regret to never see his own son growing up to be a good man. Now they come along togethef and happy to talk to each other.
id give your child the choice then they can never blame you for not seeing him
Nope he left you wait till your son is older and decides to find him