Hi can I ppp?? I wrote in back in October about my boyfriend cheating on me and…

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Hi can I ppp??
I wrote in back in October about my boyfriend cheating on me and I wasn’t eating and scared I’d make myself have a eating disorder. I fault it was a heart break diet and I’ll get over it. (Other girl was skinnier and prettier then me) well 8 months later (got back with him) I now think I have a eating problem. I don’t eat and I physically cry if someone puts food in front of me. I can’t stand the fault of food. I feel weak, my anxiety is back, I can’t sleep but I always feel tried. Am lost and don’t know what to do. Am scared to go to the doctors as I have a daughter so scared they will take her away over this.
Anyone been through this and got advice to fix it yourself??
I go up to 3 days with no food and then I will only eat on the 3/4th day and even then I make sure it’s under 1000 calories. It’s all in my head and I know I’ve done this myself. Am now a calorie freak, I think am fat but I can see my bones starting to show, hips and collar bones already showing. So half of me knows am not fat and the other half of me just sees fat 😭 any advice. ?? I want to try hold out on doctors as long as possible. No bashing I know I only have my self to blame. Thank you x
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