Hi could I have a private post please. I really don’t want anyone tracking back…

[ad_1]
Hi could I have a private post please. I really don’t want anyone tracking back to me.

I’m in such a toxic relationship and I don’t know how to get out. I want to leave but I have no job (down to his controlling ways) and two boys. We get along about 30% of the time and that time is amazing. However the 70% is awful and our eldest child is definitely picking up on it now and will ask about our arguments. Before anyone asks/judges I have always tried to keep our arguments away from the children but my husband seems to think there is nothing wrong with arguing in front of children as it is “life” and they need to get used to it and will push and push until he gets a reaction from me. The reason that has sparked this latest argument is because I found a bag of cocaine (or some sort of drug) on the floor by where my children were playing. I lost the plot and screamed at him that he could have killed our children or had them taken away from me when I was oblivious. This was last week and I just can’t get over it. I keep looking at my children and wandering what would happen if i didn’t have them, if they were taken from me or worse. Last night, because I couldn’t go back to “normal” and forget everything it sparked an argument which as per usual my past sexual abuse from when I was a child was again thrown in my face, as apparently my parents were irresponsible to leave me with an unknown paedophile and again I’ve been left feeling numb. How could someone that is supposed to love me use against me something which is so dark and ruined me and my family for years and leave me back at that suicidal place I was years ago. I know I should leave but how do I do it? I have no job, no money, and I don’t want to admit failure to my parents. Also my children absolutely adore their dad, to them he is their hero. I need some encouragement please xxx
[ad_2]

Source