How to handle seeing breastfeeding in the age of #MeToo
Recently a man said something to me about not knowing what to do when he sees breastfeeding in public in this age of #MeToo.
Yes, he was serious.
He went on to explain that he can’t help but “notice” breastfeeding and since he’s a guy, he can’t help looking at breasts when they’re “just out there.” Or something like that.
Yes, he knew who I was and what I do. Yes, he kept going.
He argued that breastfeeding should always be done some place private because these days a guy is going to get “#MeToo’d” just for noticing breastfeeding and he’ll be slapped with a “sexual harassment lawsuit just for looking.”
Yes, I educated him.
After that exchange I decided I needed to create a simple, easy guide for those concerned about getting “MeToo’d” when they see someone breastfeeding.
Here it is.
Worried about someone accusing you of sexual assault because you notice them breastfeeding? Concerned that you don’t know how to handle seeing breastfeeding in the age of #MeToo? Then this guide is for you. These surefire strategies will keep you from being the next Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Matt Lauer, Louis C.K., or Rupert Murdoch with these easy to follow steps and practical tips.
1) Keep your mouth shut. You see a baby breastfeeding, just keep your mouth shut. You can smile, you can nod but if you are concerned it could turn into a #MeToo moment any second, just keep your mouth shut because apparently your are confused on what constitutes sexual harassment from say, normal decent human interaction. Also should go without saying but since you need a guide: keep your dick in your pants and don’t slip her any drugs.
2) If, however, you want to be encouraging or supportive and you have a pretty good and clear idea of what is and isn’t sexual harassment (pretty good rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t be comfortable saying it to another man, your own mother, or your own child, don’t say it AT ALL), you can say something like “you’re such a good parent.” Do not say something like “that baby sure is lucky” because that totally sounds like you wish you could be sucking on that boob instead of the baby and yes, THAT IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
3) Notice the baby, look at the sweet baby, don’t become lecherous trying to see boobs. Babies are adorable, we all get that. It’s ok to take a good long look at an adorable baby and nobody’s going to blame you for that. But if you start trying to see the boobies, craning your neck and staring hoping for a glimpse of titty… that the baby’s head is covering anyway… then you’re gross, cleary have issues with boundaries, and deserve whatever comes your way. #MeToo exists because of schmucks like you in the first place.
4) Remember this: IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. It really isn’t. The breastfeeding scene unfolding before you has nothing to do with you, it isn’t for your consumption, and it isn’t about you in any way shape or form. Know who it is about? The baby. So don’t act like one, grow up, and mind your own darn business.
5) Keep your hands to yourself. Do not touch the breastfeeding pair. Personal space bubble applies to them just like anyone else. Which if this was respected more in the first place, #MeToo wouldn’t even be a thing.
6) If you find you are unable to control yourself then just use your neck, turn your head, look away, walk away, and PLEASE, call a therapist.
Follow these 6 simple steps and you should be totally free of any risk of the #MeToo movement coming after you based on how you handle seeing breastfeeding today.