I Am Too Weak To Leave My Abusive Marriage

I am too weak to leave my abusive marriage. Walking on eggshells everyday. Trying to do all the house works while watching two little kids and still get yelled at, at the end of the day, if it is not up to his standards and he has had a bad day I may be hit . I feel sorry for the kids, so after each fight, I beg him not to leave, I do not want them to be raised without a father. After getting yelled at and abused, I asked him not to leave, I beg him, I apologise.

He is a wonderful, loving, supportive father, he is the bread-winner, he doesn’t mean to hurt me, he is just tired after a long day at work, I must be doing something wrong, not working hard enough myself or clearly don’t give him what he so needs after a long day.

This is how I felt three years ago I was clearly weak, NO I WAS WEAK, I had been broken down so much to think I was worthless that I believed it, no one would want me, I was scum.

When my daughter was five years ago she fell asleep in her loving fathers lap, she had an accident in her sleep and wet herself. He leapt up from his armchair launching our daughter across he room, he launched towards her, fists raised, ready to hit our little girl, I stepped in between them, I took the punch, and you know what I woke up to the reality I was actually living in, I was not the problem, HE WAS!

Once he was in bed, I packed a small bag for my children, and walked in the night carrying one child and holding the hand of another, I had no plan, nowhere to go, but anywhere was safer than living with him.

Three years later and I have a job, a new relationship where I feel safe to have a voice, to have a lazy day, to let my kids be kids, life has never been better, my children remember very little of their father but sometimes my daughter will wake up crying and remembers glass breaking and my tears, I did not realise at the time that she had heard the fights, that she had snuck into her baby brothers room (he was 2 at the time) she had held him and covered his ears so he could not hear.

Please if you are in an abusive relationship, GET OUT. GET HELP, you may think he will never hurt your children, but he will, he doesn’t have to physically hit them to cause pain, the pain of hearing their mother being abused is enough