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I need advice please. Most parents looks of the pictures of their baby when they…

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I need advice please.
Most parents looks of the pictures of their baby when they were first born and feel all warm inside. I don’t. I want to. My son was born very ill, we had no idea. With every picture of him on the day he was born you can see he was so unwell and I hate myself for not noticing. He was put through 2 weeks of hell in intensive care making him better and he pulled through it being the strong boy he is. But still to this day in can’t look at those photos and feel happy.
Is there something wrong with me? Does anyone have this? Can I change it?
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