I’m Sorry That When He Left Me, He Also Made The Decision To Leave You Too

An open letter to my children

My daling children I am sorry, I’m sorry you have faced years of disappointment; and have yet another lifetime to come. I’m sorry I didn’t realise your father wasn’t a good man untill it was too late; I’m sorry the start of your lives were filled with so much hate and anger. I’m sorry you will never remember we were once a family unit; a broken one granted. But still a unit.

I’m sorry you will never remember that mummy tried. I really did; I tried ever so hard. I fought continuously for you all. For us to be happy. But unfortunately your father just could not be a part of that.

I’m sorry that when he left me, he also made the decision to leave you too. I’m sorry that for him to break away, he had to break you too. And I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from the years of disappointment. The crying at the window wondering why daddy never came.

I’m sorry I made a selfish decision; to cut him out for good when you were only 2 and 3 years old. I’m sorry that even though that decision protects you from pain; that it also hides you away from part of who you are.

I’m sorry you have questions, that I just cannot answer. I’m sorry that the men who will teach you to be well, men. Weren’t the man who gave you life. I’m sorry he missed out on all of the most important and invaluable moments of your sweet little lives. And I’m sorry he missed out on the ‘small and insignificant’ factors. Such as your favourite food.

I’m sorry he will never be a part of the beautiful and respectful gentlemen you will grow into. And that he will never play a role in helping you succeed and strive in life.

I do however promise you;

I will always do my best

I will always stand by your side

I will never walk away

No matter how hard it gets I will always support you.

I will guide you in life as best I can, but always with your best interests at heart.

I will probably make mistakes along the way, hell I’ll probably mess up on a daily basis. But please always know; I’ve loved you unconditionally, and I will be here for you no matter the condition. You are my motivation, my reason to carry on. And I will forever be grateful to you both for saving my life.

And I’m not sorry, for protecting you from being destroyed. The way he destroyed me. I am not sorry for protecting you from a monster.

Even if that monster gave you life. — Credit Kayleigh Jade.