Mums Don’t Want This For Mothers Day

Just got back from my food shop and whilst out I spotted the Mothers day Isle. Whilst this stuff is cute in its own way, Mothers of young children and teenagers do not want this shite. We really don’t.

If you really want to show appreciation on the day that should really be called “Sorry your fanny got wrecked” then listen up.

This is what we want.

We want to piss in peace. We want two minutes alone in the bathroom without a little human staring at our bits like it’s going to start firing out ping pong balls. Nothing magical is going to happen so for the love of God, leave us alone.

We want you to get dressed. We want to hand you your clothes and not have to find you twenty minutes later wearing nothing but your underwear and one fucking shoe.

Move your own shit. How simple is that? This applies to husbands too. Shoes and coats have a place so use them!
Same as toys. Although put them away properly! My 6yr old once put her creepy arse doll in the fridge and I had a fucking heart attack getting the milk out.

We want to cook a meal and have it eaten without fuss. Without cries of desperation that you no longer like pizza despite having a fucking meltdown the day before that you couldnt have it because I’d cooked sausage and mash.

Stop losing your fucking socks. Tesco thinks I gave birth to centipedes.

Boys. Wipe the damn toilet seat.

Girls. Sit properly on the toilet cos you keep spraying and your brothers get the blame.

Most importantly…….. When you get put to bed, Go to sleep!
Seriously kids it’s the only time we get to feel human. Not only that but when you’re pissing about till gone 10pm, I’m too tired to do anything remotely naughty with Daddy! You might think I’m old but mummy needs some dick if I’m going to tolerate your tantrums over your fucking sock feeling funny.

Pretty certain none of the above will happen though so I’ll smile politely and with gratitude at whatever you get me because you’re my world and who wants full bladder control anyway?? ❤️


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