My Baby Died But I’m Still Feeding Babies

When I found out I was pregnant again, I wanted nothing more than to be successful at breastfeeding.

But when we found out of Samuel’s diagnosis, I knew that was not going to happen. Just another hope that was taken from me.

Before Samuel passed, I told myself I would pump my milk to donate. Afterall, Porter was given donated milk more than half of her first year of life!

My Baby Died But I'm Still Feeding Babies
My Baby Died But I’m Still Feeding Babies

I couldn’t save Samuel’s life, but maybe I could save another baby’s life .

Pumping is not for the faint of heart. It’s hard. Mentally and physically. And it’s even harder when you don’t actually have a baby.

There were times I was angry because why did my milk have to come in when I had no baby to feed? Why was I waking up in the middle of the night for this? The other part of me felt it was the only thing connecting me to Samuel here on Earthside. I sure hope he’s proud of me!

I pumped for 63 days after his birth. I am not an over supplier by any means- but I did it.

And today, his due date, I donated my milk to the NICU milkbanks for the first and last time. Walking through the hallways of the hospital was just another step in healing.And I know, (because I felt him), that Samuel was there with me💜

#smilingforsamuel #trisomy18awareness



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