Never Shop At Aldi You Have Been Warned!!

Well bugger me, there is no ‘right time’ to do an Aldi Shop.

If you choose to take your beautiful children, they will absolutely destroy you!!

Can I have this useless stuff I’ll never use Mummy?

Can I have a crappy magazine that I’ll probably eat when im bored, with an even crappier choke hazard Toy inside it for £6 Mummy

Can I have 369 Bananas Mummy

Can I have 4 packs of Kinder Eggs Mummy

SHUT THE HELL UP!! Can i have my Bladder control back that you both took when you shot out?? You thieving little kids! NO I cant!!

Within 2 Minutes of stepping inside, you’re approximately £10 down already, you’re hiding behind the Cereal having an anxiety attack, popping PRN Propranolol from your bag, whilst carrying a Shitty Magazine, 369 Bananas and watching your 3 Year Old totally lose her shit on the floor because you won’t buy her every Kinder Egg from the shelves!!

If you choose to go alone on the very rare occasion you have no kids, bloody Doreen’s always out and she WILL mess with your Day!!

Everybody knows Aldi is a ONE WAY System!! You go in, then up and down the aisles in a one way system until you get to Turbo Tracey’s Till at the end when you need another Propranolol!! If you get to the Milk and realise you forgot Bread, tough ! You’re screwed. You have to go back to the beginning and round again! It’s the unwritten rule, Yes?

No, Not Doreen. She’s a bloody rebel!

She cuts across all the isles without checking her blind spots like the bastard STIG in a Bugatti and nearly takes you out, all for a pack of part cooked crusty cobs that she can’t even bloody chew! 

Then you’re left with a choice. Should I politely say “go on Love, you’re ok” or, do I smash her in the back of the Ankles with the trolley, blame a random 3 Year old and run like hell? Depends where i am in the Month. Do one Doreen!!

So now you’re done, you know you’ve forgotten almost everything you came for but think, Screw it id rather die than go round again! You load your Items on the belt and Turbo Twatting Trace is After an Olympic Gold Medal in food scanning! F*** me! She’s like F**king Robo Cop slinging it all through whilst you slowly and ever so silently have a nervous breakdown inside, and yet another Social Anxiety Attack. Nice one C*** Face Trace!! 🖕🏻🖕🏻

Never Shop At Aldi You Have Been Warned!!


Author: XGemx

54 thoughts on “Never Shop At Aldi You Have Been Warned!!

        1. And what a vile excuse for a human being the person who wrote it is, no wonder she’s on medication, I feel sorry for her children, what chance in life do they have with this degenerative piece of scum as a role model?

          1. Just like any other supermarket where kids are allowed to run riot! Not limited to Aldi.

    1. are lying b******s … original was written by Chelsea below . They havent even got the decency to credit her!

  1. Well I spent £143 .00 in Aldi Airdrie Scotland only to get a parking charge of £40 for being in their shop for more than an hour and a half. These shops that put boards up that your not thinking about and then fine you for using their store should be boycotted and take you’re business elsewhere it’s not cheap shopping when they use unlawful in Scotland ( making money through menaces )means of extorting money from you and our government should ban these gangsta companies . They’ve went from clamping to shops and Hospitals. BOYCOTT.

  2. I assure you that i am the Original person who created this post! It may also have been nice to have been ASKED if this could be taken and changed!! ✌🏻

    1. Pity your such a bad parent Chelsea and can’t teach your kids the word no ! Maybe if you weren’t so disorganised you’d be able actually remember what you actually wanted or if your brats were better behaved in the first place you’d remember more too.
      I wouldn’t be surprised if the checkout operator went fast just to get rid of your I want I want kids and an obviously superior attitude when your obviously not – don’t you know Aldi/Lidl staff think it’s hilarious when wannabe middle class people shop there it’s like WTF can’t be that posh if your in Aldi
      Your story is so typical of today’s mums – can’t control brats or say no – & you blame the store

      Your so disorganised/too stupid/distracted by your brats you forget items – & you blame the store

      You can’t pack your items in time because your distracted by your brats/too stupid/disorganised and can’t ask the operator to slow down – & you blame the store

      & You slag off the hard working checkout girl maybe you should stop having kids till you learn to control them – get a job a checkout operator as you seem to be expert at it ( you can’t be posh in a bargain store) or get off benefits.

      1. Look at Doris calling out the author for being disorganised/forgetful but ironically forgetting that every paragraph already spewed states the same judgy/snotty insults! YAWN! I feel sorry for your kids for having to listen to the repetitive clearly rehearsed bullshit you spit, get the fuck off your high horse Doris, who the fuck are you to jump to conclusions regarding the authors income/lack of job!

      2. Dorris, seriously stay off the internet if you can’t spot an obviously comic post without spewing vile opinions no one asked for. You haven’t the first clue about this woman, yet assume to know so much, from her work, to her level of intellect, to the way she views herself. It was a very funny fictional account written by a mother that lives in the real world and over exaggerated for a laugh. And fyi, 1 in maybe 20 people can pack at the rate the cashiers scan (being really optimistic there) and EVERYONE jokes about the speed that it’s done. Seriously no need to go in that hard. Hope it made you feel superior to a woman you don’t even know!

  3. Go Chelsea!!!
    I think it is appalling that someone takes another’s work and passes it off as their own!
    It is called plagiarism!
    In many universities around the world this is cause for expulsion!!! That is how seriously it is viewed!
    I think it is also interesting that the writer of this blog has not bothered to respond to these comments.
    BTW imho your version is soooooo much better. Keep writing your hilarious posts Chelsea they never fail to brighten my day.

  4. Well, your first issue is caving into children and spending money on tat in the first place. I mean, unless they’re putting a gun to your head and forcing you against your will to buy this rubbish, then there really is no excuse to be wasting money on it. Your second issue is lack of control. Control your kids, and it will make for a better shopping experience. Simple.

  5. Paula…
    This was a tongue in cheek post…
    For heaven’s sake lighten up!!!
    This happens to all of us however, there are only a few mums out there who have the ‘cojones’ to admit it!!!

  6. This post is absolutely hilarious!! I absolutely love Aldi and this post will not change my view on that! But having said that I found this article totally relatable and laughed out loud! People need to lighten up and take it how it was meant! So so funny!!😂😂😂
    Ps ; To the writer whoever you are , I bet you’ve gone back though 😉

  7. I’m single male and happen to love Aldi, so convenient and polite. The poster can’t blame Aldi because she had kids or is a woman? That’s not Aldi’s fault, is it? Maybe I’m being insensitive and revealing why I’ll always be single. But I’ve nothing but praise for my local Aldi.

  8. Aldi is the best and most efficient shopping experience to be had, I don’t want some fat half brained assistant taking ages to chat to the customers. Get in, shop, pay, save a small fortune, get out and do something more interesting in your life than moan about bloody shopping.

  9. I shop at Aldi and Lidl that I both in my local village. Both are great and beat any large supermarket. The staff in both are excellent. I am up north though and we all know what soft southerners are like.

  10. Very pleased with Aldi. I suppose some people just love complaining and moaning about everything. What a joyful life they must have

  11. I prefare Aldi to being bullied in to using a self service till in Sainsbury’s, Tesco or Asda , by customer service with a scowl while paying to dollar for a the same quality of product.

  12. Biggest load of crap ,I shop at 4 aldi’s in a 20 mile radius of my home and never seen or heard such twallop in the last 10 years.😣😣😣😣😣

  13. Lady you have the right to say anything negative or positive obviously, but damn it you’ve got issues!!!
    And I agree with the other comment that you did returned…see never say never

  14. Jeez, slow news day, this bull is a story in papers across Britain!! Other than the headline it doesn’t seem to contain anything bad about Aldi other than the opportunity of bumping into the muppet that wrote the diatribe or her out of control, punk weans, they sound like they would ruin anyone’s day. I wonder if the author finds she has the same experience in all shops, her house, friends houses, school, on holiday, yes, well wrong common denoninator.
    Aldi’s, carry on, Missus, just say no!!

  15. Only bad thing i will say against Aldi is they should have some self service checkouts, i get peeved off waiting behind a couple of full trolleys

  16. What a tedious load of whining middle class claptrap. Some dumb millennial who can’t control her brat kids – or bladder, apparently – whinging because she forgot to take her Prozac for a few days.

    What is it she objects to again, giving birth (hardly Aldi’s fault) or the short wait time’s at the checkout because the staff who do one of the worlds most soul destroying jobs, manage to do it so well?

    You wanna up your meds, love. Either that or fkk off to Sainsburys – which also sells the kind of crap junk food you’re clearly cramming into the mouths of your hyperactive ADHD brats as a substitute for actually parenting them.

    And FYI – Aldi is a supermarket, not the queens highway. Hence, it doesn’t operate a one way system anymore than Tesco or Asda.

    What actually IS annoying, however, is over privileged middle class mummies dragging their over privileged, unmanageable little shite kids – Tom and Jack and Hermione, no doubt – around the supermarket and getting in everybody’s way.

    Leave them at home, ffs.

    And gain, up the meds!

    1. You know there is a famous writer in the USA who passed away who use to write like this. The writers name was Erma Bombeck, her books were tongue and cheek and funny as hell. You could really just sit down and laugh. This post reminded me of the funny books bombeck wrote such as If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? These books talked about parenting, bringing up kids and her husband. They saw the funny side to a toddler throwing a fit in a supermarket, not some uptight annoying mother who can’t see anything funny in anything because she thinks she’s superior to anyone else. Lighten up honey, you will end up having a heart attack from stress!

  17. What a load of absolute ‘crap’, plagiarised or not. Very OCD if you ask me, and also unoriginal/unimaginative. Please also leave out expletives, it makes you sound like you’re a total cow which you probably are writing such tosh, believing it to be funny and ‘unique.’ If you need prescription drugs to control your moods then stop blaming your kids because they obviously are inheriting behaviour from yourself.

  18. Oh why does she not shut her face and go and shop at the local bank store on her estate but then again she possibly does…

  19. Sounds like an incompetent woman who can’t handle her own children, let alone other human beings. This is what happens when you get pregnant to secure that relationship then go through life blaming everyone else for your own short comings.

  20. I think this speaks more about the failure of modern parenting than the failure of a Supermarket. There is a word this lady might find useful when addressing the children she “shot out” I’m sure in years to come they’ll be happy to read that! The word is No! Also there is nothing worse than been forced into one of many supermarkets at the point of a gun.

  21. I have three Aldi shops in my area and in all three of them, I have never have any issues.In fact, quite the opposite.
    I am a working mum of two and I find Aldi perfect for my family’s needs.
    I have never seen a one way system ever and I have always had great interaction with staff.
    If I have not been able to find the product I am looking for, the staff have been great at looking in the warehouse for me.
    The tills are fast I admit, however I find this convienient as when your against time, it’s perfect.In fact, how many times have you shopped else where and been stood in a queue which feels like forever and you and the other customer’s are left feeling helpless? Well not in Aldi!!!!!
    I always have big bags ready and open to use so that I am able to pack as fast as the till operator scans 🙂 I have seen till users slow up for the elderly and disabled so I think they pretty much have it covered.
    I love how the staff are always so friendly and chatty too.
    I don’t have one bad thing to say about Aldi and you just can’t beat the prices and the products!!!!!!!
    The middle lanes are always a treat too.

  22. Perhaps you should not have had children? Do you realise how fortunate you are to be able to buy food?
    Aldi caters for people who are not so well off. Are you trying to get them closed down?Then people who are less well off can go to a food bank maybe?
    This is what is wrong with Britain, constant selfish griping and a lot of it is from middle class mothers with chips on both shoulders.
    You plagiarised a post on that Whingenet called Mumsnet and tried to get a gold star for it. Foulmouthed and over-entitled site for those who resent everything including their own offspring.
    I think you are rather vile, destructive and utterly devoid of humour.
    It isn’t funny- it’s verbose and deranged.

  23. What in the actual fuck… It’s Aldi… Just fucking go to Waitrose if your not happy… God damn fucking people complain about everything…

  24. Some of you need to lighten the fuck up and stop your judging. Half of you have jumped to conclusions about her ability to parent and even her intellect, while your comments have grammatical errors all over the place. It’s called over exaggerating for comic effect 😪 Doris, you really should crawl under rock. The internet is not a place for you and your vile opions.

  25. What a speech… What a great woman… What a vision… But its just unbearable to keep reading anymore. What she describes does not make any sense. Since when did we started blaming businesses for our life frustrations, our kids, our lack of timekeeping. Aldi brings savings to the us creating a more competitive industry so we customers can have a bit more in our pockets. You should feel ashamed of your article or at least just make a fair critic. Now let me warn you about something, grow up, if you were living in Africa then you would have reasons to complaint, not even water or food there. This all article seems more like frustrations over how you deal with your own life. Just get over it and just one little secret i am completely sure that even Aldi don’t want you as a customer. GROW UP

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