How having a baby changed my world From my perspective
Before pregnancy:
- Nurse
- Partner
- Friend
Avid gym goer
- Happy
Able to sleep
After child :
I lost all of the above. Except my partner, he was still there. And by god am I glad of it. He makes me carry on when I want to roll over and let my post natal depression take over
I could no longer go to work (maternity leave), arranging childcare was an absolute nightmare so I lost my status of friend for the most part, could no longer go to the gym as again childcare constraints (HELLO WEIGHT GAIN)
Depressed, anxious, fearful, paranoid
Post natal depression had got its hold on me, and by god what a grip it had!
I lost who I was, I was no longer the nurse, partner, friend or avid gym goer anymore
Instead, I was “mum” I had lost everything I worked hard for, for one word “mum”
Now, don’t get me wrong being a mum is fantastic. Amazing. Beautiful
But hard. Oh so hard. Battling with a crying baby, battling with post natal depression and every side effect that came along with it.
But I feel like I lost my identity. I couldn’t identify who I was anymore
My life now revolves around this child…
I need to teach this child EVERYTHING.. shit, that is a massive expectation! I need to know all the answers, like mums do, I need to become a grown up, I need to be a role model, a friend, a saviour and a discipliner like all other mums.
So while “mum” may just be one word.. the expectation that comes with it is sooooo much bigger
I love my kids more than anything in this world, and I will do my damned hardest to keep them out of harms way. I now ADORE being “mum” and realised it’s not as bad as it first seemed.
PND is a nasty evil illness, but with the right support, help and mental attitude YOU can overcome it