Pregnancy Sucks Balls I’m Not Ashamed To Hate It All

The next person to ask me if I’m ‘excited for newborn cuddles’ or I bet you can’t wait to show your baby off is going to get kicked in the mouth, I don’t plan on winning no mum of the year awards, I will love her and will be there for her no matter what, but being pregnant sucks balls.

Yes I am excited to have a baby, but who gets butterflies in their stomach knowing they are going to push a crotch fruit out of your tuna taco.

What I am excited to do is sleep on my belly again, to be able to roll over with ease, I’m excited to drink gallons of wine again, when ever I damn well choose.

I’m excited to not piss myself every time I try to sneeze, I’m excited to not be a hormonal mess who cries at the hunger games or an advert for an animal rescue shelter, I’m excited to go out out and shake my little arse in a club again. I’m excited to not have heart burn every minute of every bastard day. I can’t wait to never have random people stroking my stomach like it brings them good luck or some shit. I can’t wait to run, and I mean run, this duck waddle is not a good look.

I want people to ask about ME, ask me about my job, my life and not keep asking “you not had it yet” or the oh so funny “are you sure you’ve got only one in there”.

But yeah hun I can’t wait to push a baby out my lady hole, to bleed for weeks and to be in pain!!! Yay how exciting