Private post please. So I’m 8 years in a relationship with the dad of my 2 youn…

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Private post please.

So I’m 8 years in a relationship with the dad of my 2 young children. I’m out of love. Completely, it’s been heading this way for years. It’s been a very up and down relationship, trust issues, numerous texting between a couple of girls throughout the years, 1 particular girl was of a very sexual nature’s then again a few years later (couple of months ago) more innocent texts between them, she didn’t reply as such, told me straight away. So it was all on his behalf. This is I feel the last straw that has made me completley fall out of every feeling I may have once had for him. However he is adamant he loves me, wants us to fix our relationship and doesn’t seem to understand that the past can’t be fixed by the present?
I almost feel like I’m wasting my life away, staying in a loveless relationship where I dread him wanting to touch or kiss me. I see movies and think I wish I loved someone like that. I’ve had dreams where I’ve met someone and I wake up thinking that was a lovely feeling to actually want someone.
But then a part of me thinks Im being selfish, and I’m splitting my family up for my feelings alone, maybe I’ll get the life I want once the kids are older. It just sucks to be honest. Not sure what I’m asking. This is the first time I’ve ‘spoken’ out loud of my feelings.
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