I hope this can help someone. 9 years ago today I woke up from a 6 day coma caused by me attempting to take my life. I was 15 years old and felt like there was no escape from my dark thoughts.
The weight on my shoulders was to much for me to take. I felt like I couldn’t speak out, I had to man up and face my problems. I thought I had to put a smile on my face and carry on. I thought talking about my issues was a sign of weakness.
The day I took an overdose was just like any other day. I had been out with my friends. Laughing joking like nothing was bothering me. I got home and went into my room and put music on like normal. I sat for around 30seconds contemplating everything that was bothering me. My mind was moving at a million miles an hour. Then I decided, that enough was enough and I wanted to take my life. I took a cocktail of pain relief and blood pressure reducing tablets. My dad came in and found me surrounded by empty tablet packets. I remember hearing him crying and trying to shake me awake but I couldn’t do anything about it. Then it all went silent. I woke up 6 days later in Addenbrooke’s hospital unaware of what had happened. I remember seeing my dads face looking so drained with a tear in his eyes because I woke up.
I’m writing this for anyone who sees this to let them know it’s okay to speak up. It’s okay to feel down and lost. What’s not okay is not doing anything about it. 9 years ago I felt like I had nothing to live for. Now I have two beautiful children and wife that need me just as much as I need them. They are the reason I wake up every morning. I still have my low points and struggle with my mental health but I know I have a purpose to keep going.
You may feel like your worthless and that the world would be a better place without you but your wrong. Seeing how much pain and distress I caused to my friends and family showed me that I wasn’t worthless and that the world may not be a better place for those who love and care for me. It’s not just man up and get on with it. It doesn’t make you a pussy for having feelings. Suicide can take the life of any man, woman, adult or child but men committing suicide has just hit a 2 decade high in the uk. Suicide is the single biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK. Its okay to not be okay.
If you need someone to talk to call the Samaritans on 116 123 or just speak to someone. You don’t have to face this alone.