This Is Forty!!!

This is 40.

1) I cannot do the whole ‘no make up make up look’ now. I might feel like I’m a natural beauty but in reality I look like a Victorian child with influenza who probably won’t make it through a harsh Winter.

2) Nightclubs are hard work. End of sentence.

3) I can no longer get over a hangover by 11am using only the power of an egg butty and a mug of tea. I now need an IV drip, complete and utter silence and about 72 hours of lying on a propped up cushion like a proper dying person watching nothing more brain testing than a reality show about stupid fat arsed people being stupid and fat arsed in California.

4) Moisturisers do not in fact stop nor even improve fine lines and wrinkles.

5) My hips randomly click sometimes. See also; toes, wrists, knees, unpredictable sharp pains in torso for no apparent reason – leading myself to think “oh, this is how it ends then?”.

6) Friends will cancel plans and it will no longer feel disappointing – it will feel fucking DELICIOUS. Night on the sofa with a pizza whilst watching the steely gaze of Paul Hollywood as he goes down on an eclair? Sign me up Papa John!

7) Chin hair.

8)It is forbidden to pass a neighbour washing their car without quipping “Want to do mine next?”. See also; “Can I fit in your suitcase?” and “It’s muggy isn’t it? Very muggy. Needs a good pour down. That’ll sort it”.

9) What the fuck is Snapchat all about?

10) Things that are my friend; Gaviscon, middle of the night water drinking, a great mattress, exfoliating and naps.

Things that are not my friend; High heels, bread, sitting on the floor, Jägermeister and washing my fanny with anything even slightly scented for fear of a raging unbridled bout of thrush.

Credit https://www.facebook.com/babywipesandwine/